Family Feud!

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I’ve been on many a talk show during the 90’s living in New York, Donahue, Sally Jessie, Geraldo etc. but I hadn’t had the opportunity to be on a game show until now. Well ok, not actually ON the game show but in the audience. Family Feud actually tapes right here in Atlanta. I can’t exactly remember how I got on their mailing list, but I am and I get tickets all the time to various game shows but most of them are in California, so when these came up a year ago, I took them and we went down and didn’t make the cut to be on screen. No biggie, but when they came around for this year and I saw that one of the dates available was my birthday I snagged them right up. That would be super fun!

We (My daughter and I) decided to get down there a bit earlier than we did before to have a better chance. We got right into the building to wait in the inside line, we were getting crunk that we might actually get on the show this time. From this point on, it’s best if I bullet point my thoughts out….

You can’t bring any bag bigger than the ticket (a regular sheet of paper). Still not sure why you needed your traveling purse for this show and it was a good opportunity to teach CG about packing light

You also couldn’t bring your cell phone, it has to stay in the car or be checked in at the door. I started getting the shakes after about 30 minutes not because I wasn’t on Facebook etc. but because I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT DAMN TIME IT WAS?! Mental note to get a pocket watch to keep in my purse, lol

The waiting room was freezing and I knew I should have brought my jacket.

The conversation by the elderly black people behind me concerning all the pieces of the pig they had eaten in their lives and not died from was giving me so much grief. When Bro. said he loved pigs ears but could only eat them drunk, I was D-O-N-E. From the rooter to the tooter was live in living color.

Some kinda way we got in the second row – GREAT seats!

The stage was so bright and electronic, looks actually better than it does on TV, lol

We had a short class at the beginning to teach us how to clap and smile and be disappointed. I really want to do those moves in the next all staff meeting we have.

I was so proud when we were doing the warm ups to classic Motown CG knew all the words to every song! Get yo Tammi and Marvin on girl!!! She said she ‘got it from her momma’

Though Steve is not really my ‘type’ of man, he’s not unattractive in real life.

He’s actually a good height

There is dressed, there is impeccably dressed and then there’s Steve. The man’s clothes and shoes came from virgin, baby, hand spun, hand sewed, fabrics and skins.

I’m not sure I could get used to having someone who’s specific job is to wipe my water bottle, let me take a sip and then take it back. CG said she could, lol

Steve was quite funny. I have detected that he is the kind of person who observes and can be quick witted. I haven’t necessarily liked all his comedy but he does make that show funny.

I KNOW they told us NOT to talk at all, we were right by a live mike lady!!!

The warm up music had two Michael Jackson songs – HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

The whole section of pork totality eaters were in the middle second row and were NOT a lively bunch..must have had cramps from the pickled pigs feet……

Steve kept staring at CG. Yea I know, she gets that, lol lol

Sure there hasn’t been a hijabi that close to the stage before, lol

He curses ALOT!!

Yes he laughed when I said, “still working on that being saved eh?” Aloud

He doesn’t wear a lot of make up.

His Make Up artist dude…does

I know a family who won the big money so it’s not rigged.

These really are real families

Sometimes the questions either don’t make sense or no one can get an answer on the board. They throw those out.

Steve doesn’t leave the stage during ‘commercial breaks’ he stays and talks to you. That’s a nice gesture.

He’s really a mans man and didn’t want all that fretting over him. I liked the way he carried himself.

Now they can’t tell you when your show is going to air but I have at least two reasons why ours might not:

  • The black family of female cousins came dressed like they were going to the club!!! What the hell do you have on!? Not sure at least two of those outifts will make the cut BUT Steve loved them and from my vantage point ‘favored’ them.
  • The woman in front of me kept running her mouth, if any of that was picked up on the Mike they can’t use the episode

The best part of the whole thing? One day you will look up and your child will start to have their own life and they have to go live that life and you might move from the center of the stage off to the left. Spending the day with College Girl laughing, talking, dreaming and chilling with no drama was GREAT!!!!!! A perfect way to spend my birthday!

17,155 Days

 

 

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June 4, 2013

17,155 that how many days God has blessed me to be alive!!  That’s 47 years I’ve been on this earth weaving the fabric of my life.

I had a beautiful day. I woke up with the resolve to set it aside and just be in the moment with no background noise and that’s just what I did.

Facebook sure can make you feel special!!  Over 80 declarations of Happy Birthday! All kinds of love!!  I am so appreciative and I will hold these sentiments close to my heart and pick at them over the next 365 when I need them!

I’ve had lunch with my bestie, connected with a person off of Facebook, talked at length with my Sister and Dad, used gift cards and broke bread with my family.  

I wanted to think all deep about my birthday and lay out all kinds of emotionally reverent conversation, but I then said Nope!  It’s really not that serious.  I spend so much time being serious and thinking serious and contemplating, analyzing, reconciling etc. that I have to schedule times to just not give a fuck and like I said above, just walk in the moment without all the extra!!  

There is room in your life to just twirl and not hit anything.  I totally am clearing the field to run unhindered in it.  

Today was my birthday, I have been alive 17,155 days God!!  For that I thank you!!  For that I THANK YOU!! 

 

Moments

June 3, 2013

That moment when shame is clearly connected to manipulation and you have an ah-ha moment for yourself

The moment you start liking your reflection in the mirror of the world

A moment of clarity

Moments in the dark giggling with the one you love

The moment past when you usually would quit

The fleeting moment you see him looking at you like that very first time

The break in the song moments in love

The moment the good outweighs the bad

That moment when memories become clear and vibrant

The moment when Michael Jackson’s voice confirms the presence of God

The moment I said I Do

The moment I called a spade a spade

The moment I didn’t burst into flames like they said I would

A moment where it all lines up perfectly

Some moments that are better than others

Lots of moments of clarity in the midst of chaos

The moments you have to push through

The moment the air conditioner comes on in the car on a hot ass day

The moment you realize you don’t pull a crowd like you used to

The moment you finally get it

The moment you realize adults bully too, it might be slicker and it might be covert but they do

That moment you wanna turn in your card

The moment I held her in my arms

The moment I pranced around naked feeling beautiful in front of a man

The moment I pranced around naked feeling beautiful in front of….ME

The moment you had to actually BE an adult

The moment when you first feel the ‘comfort of a man’

The moment when you first feel the comfort…of…GOD

The moment as a woman you learn to love another woman you are not related to.

The moment you can comfortably say “I am”

The moment you recognize your parents

The moment you recognize your parents in you

The moment you start working on that

All the moments that make up the moments in the fabric of  your life

Subject Noun Verb Agreement

Day 2

I knew I had a knack for writing at around 10 years old when I received a diary from somewhere.  I knew that my words affected folks when my mother read it cover to cover one day.  I remember burning that diary. That incident didn’t stop me from loving words, but it might have shaped how I address them in my life.  I love words.  I love to read them, to feel them, to taste them, especially when someone says something that moves me.  I also hate words.  They have been used to hurt, maim and destroy all around me.  However, if it were not for words, I probably wouldn’t be the halfway sane person I profess to be.

I consider myself creative.  It comes naturally to me.  I also consider myself the owner of many ideas the finisher of few.  Being the Gemini that I am, I flit all over the place sometimes like a bee, dropping little golden pearls of ideas where ever I chose to land that day.

Throughout my life, I have been, despite the chaos at times, pretty clear on the innateness of who I am.  I might not have always shown it, but every time I did something someone else wanted me to do, or changed something about me to appease someone else, that which in me stayed true.  I used to wonder where I got this feeling of ‘freeness’. I used to wonder how in my mind, I was ripe for say 1972 on a bus to LA to dance and sing in the park.  I have cultivated a rich private alternative universe for myself for as long as I can remember.  I figured some of that out when I met my biological father, but that’s another story for another day.

There have been periods of time when words took over me and not vice versa and I have not stopped them from spilling out, that’s not the way I operate – if it’s time, I let it flow however the medium.  Sometimes they come out in a poem, sometimes a short story, sometimes a line in a half written journal entry.

At some point I recognized that I was living on paper and not in real life and that was when I purposely stopped journaling. It was time to BE.  This kinda corresponded with the discovery of the world of blogging and that opened up a whole new arena to express myself.  That first year and my first blog “The Emancipation of Pammie”, was flipping ground breaking in the personal blogging space.  That one year, set in motion so much happiness for me, ya’ll don’t even know.

Fast forward, to another fantastic medium, good ole Facebook.  In that space I have been able to create a running daytime talk show full of all the things I enjoy, while I read and correspond with folks at the SAME DAMN TIME! It’s the perfect joining of all that makes my personality great, lol

I have given this long ass opening to get to this point.  I know how to write, sometimes I enjoy it but it is NOT a particular passion of mines.  If I had to assign it some passion, the passion more so involves being able to convey thoughts, feelings and emotions in an effective way at the appropriate time.  If I say something on Facebook or like now in a blog entry (because sometimes the desire to blog leaves the plate for long periods of time) and it makes someone say wow, damn, or even get the fuck outta here with that bullshit, that creates passion because I am heard and everyone knows I have issues with having a ‘voice’ and so these mediums give me that possibility.

I found this definition that perfectly fit how I feel:

Intrinsic motivation

Since passion can be a type of motivation in hobbies then assessing intrinsic motivation is appropriate. Intrinsic motivation helps define these types of passion. Passion naturally helps the needs or desires that motivate a person to some particular action or behavior. Certain abilities and hobbies can be developed early and the innate motivation is also something that comes early in life. Although someone might know how to engage in a hobby, this doesn’t necessarily mean they are motivated to do it. Christine Robinson makes the point in her article that, ” …knowledge of your innate motivation can help guide action toward what will be fulfilling.” Feeling satisfied and fulfilled builds the passion for the hobby to continue a person’s happiness.

So though I know folks feel that I should be writing, I always say I do write and I’ve given this explanation more times than I care to count.  IF I decide that what I’d like to say should be for sale, I’ll be the first to tell you, but for now…it’s not.

In Flux or the Matrix

June 1, 2013

Well my birthday is three days away.  Whew!  I can’t really tell you where the last year went but I can tell you there have been some ROUGH spots!  Last year this time, I had a High School graduate, this year was soooo quiet now that I have a upcoming Sophomore in COLLEGE.  I looked at my calendar from last year and the whole month of May was booked, lol  Funny what a year can do.

I’ve done a lot of work though, believe you me.  I feel in so much of a better place emotionally and mentally.  I have not only packed away but thrown out sooo much dead weight.  The struggle will NEVER end in that area, but the bags are all kinds of way much lighter baby!!

I’ve also made some physical changes that I’ll discuss in another blog during this month.

I’ve picked up some new hobbies (bracelet making) that I absolutely love.  I was going to start up a business but the expenses of the craft and the dismal launch (it was my fault) of an idea I had squashed that.  I now enjoy making them for friends etc. and I’ll sell a few under different circumstances than an actual business.

As my birthday gets near, I do start to evaluate and see what I’d like to do for the next 365 days if God blesses me.  Right now I’m feeling kind of unfulfilled.  I’d like to nuture some new friendships meet some new folks who are at the same  stage as I am in my life.  I vow to go to a couple of meet ups and see what’s up this upcoming birth year.  I want to see what’s happening on the education front maybe learn some more things (I am pissed I missed out on the opportunity for the online Continuing Education Courses). God KNOWS I need to work even harder on my finances!!

One thing I’ve begun back doing is reading and it’s been a welcome return. My Kindle was a GREAT purchase and the ‘what books are free today” website has totally got me back into reading all kinds of books.  I’m reading like a book a week.

So let me get off of here and get to doing some other stuff!  I look forward to what might spill out over these next 30 some odd days.