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This whole fitness/weight journey has been interesting to say the least. The fall off lessons and discoveries have been just as, if not more profound than the actual purpose of the journey, lol Something that I’ve been thinking a lot about is this concept that we don’t do things for others, but we do them for ourselves. All day and night I see this, especially on Social Media “Fuck Ya’ll I’m doing this for me, It’s about me, My journey is my journey” etc. etc. It speaks a good game and it’s great that a person (including myself) but ultimately I think it’s a bunch of shit!!

Outside of primal urges and instincts at birth – VERY few of us are capable of the level of thought necessary to develop ideas and principles independent of the input of others to be doing anything strictly and solely for ourselves. The era of the great thinkers has been over and most ideas already exists or are already in the process of being examined and thrust into the world by folks who are NOT us. We’ve gotten so bad that now we just pass along the wisdom and sayings of others via the meme and most of those have been assigned to folks who won’t even claim them or we have outright never checked to see if they did say them, lol

Most things we do are either spurred by, suggested by, coaxed by, goaded by or forced by someone else. Now when and if we ever decide to do it is when the whole ME ME ME thing kicks in but otherwise there is a conduit to us doing anything. We might benefit from things in the long run but we are not singularly responsible for doing anything, and we are not the only ones who are affected.

Let’s take something simple like fitness/weight loss etc. I can only speak for me, but feel comfortable and assigning this feeling to just about every other freaking person out there, whenever this has come up there are a few things that spur it on:

  • A Doctor has told you – you have reached your limit for pigging out
  • A Person you don’t know (or do know) has thrown shade at you about it
  • A specific incident such as you are standing outside Ashley Stewart in tears or you set all your clothes on fire because they don’t fit or you can no longer wipe your ass without having to flex has happened
  • You found an old picture of yourself in your ‘prime’ while standing in front of a mirror displaying your now

So you get up off the couch or begin throwing all the good shit out,while your family is like Wait..NOT the Oreos and then you begin. You are so ‘mad’ with yourself about the whole thing – you have to justify it somehow, so you start yelling and screaming about how you are DOING IT FOR YOU!! You will benefit, but you are NOT – you are doing it like all the rest of us because you want to be accepted in this fucked up priority having, worshipping fake perfection, world we live in. Because if you really were in tune with YOU, you would believe it when they tell you that God loves you just the way you are and sit your ass down somewhere. But we all have fallen victim to the fact that God is not the end all be all in our lives as much as we would like Him to be – so we press on trying to get some others to love us….

The thing is most of those folks end up failing because they don’t see the bigger picture – we are all one and all worlds have a joining on. If you are bettering yourself and you are not the last living soul on the planet, you are being an example for someone else, just like they notice when you fucking up, they see when you are not. We are sheep, especially my generation – we stay trying to be led. We are a ‘nation’ of couch activist – our fingers are our weapons of mass destruction. You can feel the earth shift literally when we find someone or something else to follow on these here innerwebs.

Yea at first I was gonna get all swole and up on my crooked soap box and be all about me, but I have seen in my own life how a lot of my calling is about me being ‘open’ folks seem to vibe on that. I have a tendancy to fill up my walk in life with all kinds of circus clowns, signs and other things that make the ride fun, so I want to embrace that part of me. Recognize that anything you do, you should first be trying to do it for yourself but be aware that someone else may be looking and watching and be ready for that to manifest itself, if you actually are blessed enough to have the capacity to really understand how your place in this world fits. I think we have to remember while we are touting about all the things we are doing for us that the feeling of being an inspiration or even a tale of what not to do is a more powerful motivation than being self driven. Use the weakness of wanting to belong to propel yourself FORWARD!

I think I’ve had more success this time around because I am embracing that. I have joined on to and surrounded myself with folks who also get it. The lifting of the group makes the lift that much more powerful. I have been taken totally off guard by how my journey has become a parade and how many folks have stepped off the sidelines and gotten IN the parade with me. I don’t talk about it hardly ever but I get messages and texts and conversations all the time thanking me and I take it just like I see it “for you to get up off your lazy stubborn ass and even try means the world to me” I don’t ever profess that I did that because I had some epiphany, I did it specifically because some folks were throwing shade. They have gotten a bit quiet but I talked to a shade thrower not to long ago and they tried to fling it, by using the one weapon you shall not prosper against me with – the written word. I blocked with my new tricep and flung that bad boy far away with my new strength and kept it moving.

I have just been really open to the thought process of acknowledging the blessing God has bestowed upon me and in embracing those I have found myself reveling in the blessing of (wo)man. The give and take of these blessings has made US ALL a better person

So as you do anything that you are proclaiming you are doing for yourself – you are, but don’t act like you got it from yourself and don’t forget us – you might be alienating the real and actual blessing of what you are doing!


About Pamela

Lover of MJ, Mother of College Girl, Atlanta living participant of the bigger picture. Always ready for my closeup.

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