(Yea I got behind but here I am catching up!)
My previous blog post gave this rundown of who I am and I believe most if not all of it, and so I thought that was a good segway into a mental health check in with yah girl.
I’ve spoken in public about having a breakdown of sorts last March. Since that time, once I came up out the fog, it has been my goal to keep the light in my eyes and to feel comfortable and have available coping methods for the stress. I had to accept that I am a worrier and that I absorb stress and that it can and will have a negative impact on my life. I had to learn to dig deep and really start doing the work that would make me happy.
I am happy to report that I have been in a great state of bright eyes! LOL I was just mentioning that this is the longest I have been in self-imposed happiness in awhile. As part of that ‘work’ I have had to accept who I am the good bad and ugly. I used to joke I lived in a circle, and in actuality I do and am most comfortable that way. I like to move about in a space that’s comfortable and I like coming back to and touching the same people/places/things. Yes that can make me be inconsistent about some things and I have been inconsistent about things, sometimes important things like people – and I accept that.
Back when I was dating, I used to say I wanted to get me a few good dudes and rotate between them or have them somewhere that I can have them around, lol lol (I did do that, but I will talk about that later..)
It’s not that I don’t like to try new things – my circles are not closed..but I like my life in this manner. As I was doing bits of ‘work’ I took a look at some of my favorite circles and found that only my social media and Television were full and active, lol I decided I needed to start filling up the other ones. I needed to start filling up my life. So that’s what I’ve been steadily doing. I had the work circle, love circle, mom circle, friend circle, social media circle, family circle, craft circle, reading circle and I had added this new exciting circle health and fitness. I decided to start dipping into them all and let me tell you, it’s a glorious moment when you look up and you are….full and not full of BS, Pain, Stress or Worry.
I wake up excited about all the things I have planned and I go to bed tired from it all. Now I have faced and continue to face some shit, but I use the methods given to me by my therapist and my God and I am making it. Sometimes it hard to not want to explain the who what when and why’s or defend myself or my behavior, but part of taking the best care of me, is about doing what’s best for me – no explanations, no compromise and not apologies.
So I carry on second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour, but I will say this getting fit is NOT only for your body – my mind is getting better, eating better, exercising better, resting better. I am getting FITTER in a 365 degree kinda way and what is that…a circle J