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Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Couch…

I am a platinum member of the Coach Potato club. I hold that honor proudly.  I do soo much on my damn couch.  I write, I watch TV, I get my internet on,  I read, I socialize, I eat, I make out with my husband, I take some good ass naps!  My couch freaking ROCKS!!  It all started with some subtle ‘shade’ (this is when folks say some slick shit about something you have going on) about how much I know about all things Television (that’s another blog).  I ignored that for the most part, but the first of the year was coming up and I was feeling antsy about something to do.  In the mail over the course of a few weeks, I got a flyer for a new gym opening up the street. I was like, ‘really in the hood?”  It was only a dollar to join and $10/month.

I’m a strange bird, due to my upbringing and the way I ingested it, I flare up when told to do something, especially if it’s tinged with force or shame.  Yea it’s kept me from doing a lot of shit and caused problems, but I will not do it till I get good and damn ready because of this little flaw.  When the ‘awakening’ comes to me, it can be the littlest thing.  January came and I still had the flyer, an associate of mines (a really nice sista) sent me a simple text stating that she had joined and I should to.  It was as simple as that.  I went up there and was amazed at how clean and modern and functional it was.  I also was interested because there were no classes.  I really am not that coordinated (well now I’m a lot better).  Anyhoo I joined and began the journey.

At first, I was all on the 30 minutes of cardio in and out.  Then I started reading and learning and decided that I would add weights because hell I had NO IDEA how my body would react to this thing here. I was a Weight Watchers girl. I could lose weight easily but never incorporated working out.  I started going and Lord was I pitiful.  5 minutes on the bike, I could barely make it through circuit training etc.  I realized that I was super duper out of shape.  Didn’t matter if I was thin(ner)

Suddenly I started to take it seriously. It was great for stress.  I moved away from the circuit training and started walking on the treadmill and riding the bike and lifting lightly.  From my previous attempts to get fit, I had a HATE relationship with the Eliptical Machine. Who in the hell made that instrument of torture and what person decided it was a gateway to fitness?!  One day I stepped on it. I did three minutes which at the time was equivalent to the NY Marathon, lol That bitch hurt.  But unlike the last time, I decided to keep trying it, I could do this.  Time went past and I started thinking about and looking forward to going to the…gym.  I got back on Weight Watchers to aid in my getting fit.

Now don’t think there have not been some struggles.  The internet will run you crazy trying to keep up or do what they say.  There is soo much information out there, you don’t know what to believe.  “If you don’t squat you should die” “anything less than 5 hours in the gym 6 days a week you are a failure” “use this machine, don’t use that machine” etc. etc.  A woman has been conditioned to believe that if there is no weight loss, there is no success. Black women have been conditioned to believe that if you are not shading or saying fuck you to the world whenever we do something we are not succeeding.  it’s a lot to grasp.  Then you have your own ‘issues’ with your body, the way it looks etc.  I have  another HATE relationship and its’ with my shape. I’m an apple on a stick. I HATE my mid section!!  It just laughs and laughs and protrudes away.  But something in side of me said press on.

So here we are six months in!  I’ve gone every other day, missing maybe only two days.  I now go between 4-5 days a week and anything less than an hour is unacceptable, lol  I also am outside exercising.  I now own bonafide exercise clothes, lol I bought sneakers ( and I don’t even like sneakers), I plan out my days and meals and television schedule to make sure I’m not missing working out.  I am also keeping track of the changes.

This post is not really about the numbers, but an acknowledgement of the journey.  There are numbers, damn good numbers all the way around,  but there are also so many other things.

So what’s up for the next six months? Well. I’m still in a quandry as to whether I want to be fit or athletic, that is something I’ve never fanthomed I’d consider, lol  I’m interested in doing one bad ass fitness thing (like kick boxing)  I might run a 5K in the fall who knows? but right now.. let’s just take it one day, one workout and one meal at a time.


The Changes in Six Months

When the escalator goes out, I no longer just say ‘fuck it’ and get back on the train and go back home to call in sick

My husband can finally walk his regular gait

Oh I have a shadow of an Ass AND an actual one that is rounded

When I go to the ladies room at work, the sanitary disposal no longer flaps up and down cause my big ass trips the sensor

My posture has improved

I am sleeping so much better

I have shoulders, lol

I think I’m bad, lol

I am not having pre-menstrual issues anymore

The fat hump on my neck disappeared

I can sit with my legs crossed

When I play wrestle with my husband, he has to wrestle a little harder

I made it past the New Year Resolutions Folks

I have the beginnings of a end table and not a cocktail table

The gap when I walk is real baby!

I shaved 3 full minutes off my walk from my desk to the train station

I run towards things now

I’ve been to the park more in the past six months than the past six years

I park way in the back

I actually carry a basket to get some bicep reps in at the grocery store

I saw my husband fall in love with me again,while watching me work out

I feel a lot more confident

I’ve made new friends

I’ve cracked open a cookbook

I’ve got outside my comfort zone

I don’t jiggle

I can twerk much better

The under wire on my bra now sits ‘under’ my chest not making a dent in my damn stomach

The bath towel  does not fit like a hospital gown anymore – it closes all the way

I am almost at my goal of putting my foot behind my head


About Pamela

Lover of MJ, Mother of College Girl, Atlanta living participant of the bigger picture. Always ready for my closeup.

One response to “Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Couch…

  1. Monica C. ⋅

    You GO, Pam! You are doing the damned thing, and I love it!! Keep up the awesome work – you look GREAT.

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