I knew I had a knack for writing at around 10 years old when I received a diary from somewhere. I knew that my words affected folks when my mother read it cover to cover one day. I remember burning that diary. That incident didn’t stop me from loving words, but it might have shaped how I address them in my life. I love words. I love to read them, to feel them, to taste them, especially when someone says something that moves me. I also hate words. They have been used to hurt, maim and destroy all around me. However, if it were not for words, I probably wouldn’t be the halfway sane person I profess to be.
I consider myself creative. It comes naturally to me. I also consider myself the owner of many ideas the finisher of few. Being the Gemini that I am, I flit all over the place sometimes like a bee, dropping little golden pearls of ideas where ever I chose to land that day.
Throughout my life, I have been, despite the chaos at times, pretty clear on the innateness of who I am. I might not have always shown it, but every time I did something someone else wanted me to do, or changed something about me to appease someone else, that which in me stayed true. I used to wonder where I got this feeling of ‘freeness’. I used to wonder how in my mind, I was ripe for say 1972 on a bus to LA to dance and sing in the park. I have cultivated a rich private alternative universe for myself for as long as I can remember. I figured some of that out when I met my biological father, but that’s another story for another day.
There have been periods of time when words took over me and not vice versa and I have not stopped them from spilling out, that’s not the way I operate – if it’s time, I let it flow however the medium. Sometimes they come out in a poem, sometimes a short story, sometimes a line in a half written journal entry.
At some point I recognized that I was living on paper and not in real life and that was when I purposely stopped journaling. It was time to BE. This kinda corresponded with the discovery of the world of blogging and that opened up a whole new arena to express myself. That first year and my first blog “The Emancipation of Pammie”, was flipping ground breaking in the personal blogging space. That one year, set in motion so much happiness for me, ya’ll don’t even know.
Fast forward, to another fantastic medium, good ole Facebook. In that space I have been able to create a running daytime talk show full of all the things I enjoy, while I read and correspond with folks at the SAME DAMN TIME! It’s the perfect joining of all that makes my personality great, lol
I have given this long ass opening to get to this point. I know how to write, sometimes I enjoy it but it is NOT a particular passion of mines. If I had to assign it some passion, the passion more so involves being able to convey thoughts, feelings and emotions in an effective way at the appropriate time. If I say something on Facebook or like now in a blog entry (because sometimes the desire to blog leaves the plate for long periods of time) and it makes someone say wow, damn, or even get the fuck outta here with that bullshit, that creates passion because I am heard and everyone knows I have issues with having a ‘voice’ and so these mediums give me that possibility.
I found this definition that perfectly fit how I feel:
Since passion can be a type of motivation in hobbies then assessing intrinsic motivation is appropriate. Intrinsic motivation helps define these types of passion. Passion naturally helps the needs or desires that motivate a person to some particular action or behavior. Certain abilities and hobbies can be developed early and the innate motivation is also something that comes early in life. Although someone might know how to engage in a hobby, this doesn’t necessarily mean they are motivated to do it. Christine Robinson makes the point in her article that, ” …knowledge of your innate motivation can help guide action toward what will be fulfilling.” Feeling satisfied and fulfilled builds the passion for the hobby to continue a person’s happiness.
So though I know folks feel that I should be writing, I always say I do write and I’ve given this explanation more times than I care to count. IF I decide that what I’d like to say should be for sale, I’ll be the first to tell you, but for now…it’s not.