So, there’s this show on MTV called “Catfish”. It’s based off this guy Neev’s documentary about him being in an online relationship with someone who turned out to not be who they said they were. Now what makes this different than say someone saying they are one weight and you meet them they turn out to be another, is that you consider yourself in an actual relationship with the person, there has to be at least six months of communicating and the person has to be totally different such as a boy instead of a girl, another race etc. than all of the pictures or descriptions they have given you. That show keeps me anxiety ridden. So far it’s all ended on an OMG level of disappointment and I just feel so sorry for those folks.
It has also sparked comments and what not from that part of the human race that can’t imagine this happening to them or just in a state of mystification as to how this can actually happen and of course that the folks this happens to must be off their rocker to begin with.
Well I don’t consider myself to be any more or less unstable than the next person; but I do have the distinction of not having dated offline in like 8 years and having a relationship with someone who ultimately I never met. It’s not a full blown Catfish story, but the fact I never met them face to face and considered myself ‘involved’ does put it in the ball park.
How We Met
I was working as an English Teacher at PCDI. (that was a cool job). You’ve heard of them, you can work on Jr. college level or HS programs in the comfort of your own home. Well I was one of the folks you called, to talk about your lesson or get help etc. etc. He called in and his voice had me melting in my seat!!! OMG! It was this perfect blend of sexy, fine and radio late night. Being my personality, we just clicked, I helped him and he began calling back requesting me. That’s how it all began.
Taking It Out The Classroom
At some point he asked for my personal number and breaking some if not ALL of the rules of engagement, I gave it to him. We began speaking in the evening for hours on end. At the time I wasn’t dating anyone and having someone to converse with that was funny, etc. was great. He was so interesting. He was in a go-go band, he had this active life and he could make me laugh. Now this was before your smart phones and Facebook and basically, outside of say AOL, all mediums where you could validate the authenticity of someone and what they were saying. Basically, this was during the period where folks actually used ‘chat lines’ (this was around 97 or so).
How it became a ‘relationship’
It just became this regular part of our lives. We spoke a couple times a day, we would sit down in our respective spaces and have dinner together, he would do a show and put me on speaker phone so i could hear his solo’s or his practices, he asked the necessary questions that you would ask if you were ‘dating’ someone. He cared about my well being. We argued, we laughed, we made plans, we dreamed…together.
Were we intimate?
Yep – you can use your imagination there, lol
Did I ever ‘see’ Him?
Actually, we also wrote each other, so we talked on the phone and wrote. I sent him some pictures (because he didn’t know what I looked like either) and I remember he sent me his work ID (LOL) that had his picture. He was not unattractive.
Were we going to meet?
You know in a weird kinda way, it wasn’t overly discussed. I think we ‘attempted’ to meet like twice and he was the one who backed out. I was upset both times.
How did it end?
Somewhere in there, it got to be tiresome arranging my life around the phone, not ever having an in person man to take me to the movies etc. etc. During this time, I had switched jobs to working at City Hall. This job exposed me to all kinds of people in person all day long. A nice looking fireman started hanging around my desk and it provided the in person stimulation I had started to crave and so as my interest for him grew, my patience with my phone boyfriend lessened. By the time I went on two dates with fireman, I told phone boyfriend about it and decided that I needed to focus more on the real possibility and not the imagined one. I chose to cut off all communication. IT HURT and I went through the same process you go through if you break up with anyone.
How long did this last?
I can’t remember exactly but somewhere in the 9 months to 1 year period of time.
How did I get in this situation?
Well it tapped into my feeling that I couldn’t attract a man just based on my looks. I had always believed that I had way more personality and if a man could ‘see’ that, the rest would follow. All of the ‘meet before you greet’ mediums appealed to me. I also had a small child at the time, and it was a way to carry on my life while maintaining my role as a mom. I never assumed he was in it for some mean reason and I still don’t think that to this day. Talking and relating to folks comes on different levels. My whole stint in that world up until meeting my husband has been one of the most interesting aspects of my life. I learned A LOT about men and what makes them tick and it really got me in tune to the quieter more introspective side of the species. So ultimately you could say (if you are trying to be snarky) that me having low self esteem when it came to attracting to men, made me a prime candidate for this type of thing.
Did you EVER meet the man?
Nope, lol however, I ran into him on Facebook and I wrote him privately and he remembered me (cause hey who knows, lol) We had a few laughs and kept it moving.