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Hearing Not None Of It

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I started out like six months into 2012 thinking that this year would be about ‘fearlessness’ but I see I still need to work on something else, so it will carry on into this year.  THIS WILL BE THE LAST YEAR MOTHERFUCKERS TRY TO DICTATE HOW I FEEL, WHAT I SAY AND HOW I ACT THUS THIS WILL BE THE LAST YEAR I ALLOW FOLKS TO DO THAT.  

I don’t know what it is about me that makes folks think that they can just keep me jumping through hoops for their benefit.  I really need to figure that out.  On some level I can’t believe that I am still dealing with ‘voice’ issues but apparently, I haven’t been clear enough in demonstrating that those days are over.

If I express discontent, anger, bitterness, etc.  folks all up in the mix trying to sway me in another direction.  MY ENTIRE LIFE…I have been put into this box where you need not say, feel, or think anything but what is told to you, what others feel is appropriate and how others have decided you should act.  UM NO MAM and NO SIR!!  Not this year.

This doesn’t have to be about being violent, or ugly, or combative but I need to BE ME!! If at the time that’s some evil bitch then so be it, or if it’s this silly young feeling nymph then so be that.

I have gotten to the point where I’m tired of it.  If I don’t want to have a person in my sphere, they are not going to be, if I don’t feel a certain way about something then I won’t.  If something is my personal belief and it doesn’t mesh with others then so be it.

I see this year being real revealing on a whole bunch of levels. I ended the year with a whole bunch of stuff on my chest because in some cases it was the right thing to do – I’m actually a much more edgy person than I tend to project and 2013 would be a good time to merge both the twins more often.

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About Pamela

Lover of MJ, Mother of College Girl, Atlanta living participant of the bigger picture. Always ready for my closeup.

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