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An Open Letter to My Husband

“Pam: Mr. Price, if ever I did a good deed in my life-if ever I thought a good thought-if ever I prayed a sincere and blameless prayer-if ever I wished a righteous wish-I am rewarded now. To be your wife is, for me, to be as happy as I can be on earth.
Mr. Price: Because you delight in sacrifice.
Pam: Sacrifice! What do I sacrifice? Famine for food, expectation for content. To be privileged to put my arms round what I value-to press my lips to what I love-to repose on what I trust: is that to make a sacrifice? If so, then certainly I delight in sacrifice.”
― Paraphrased from Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre

 

I remember like it was yesterday, standing in front of the Queen Latifah poster at Phipps waiting on yet another ‘blind’ date. I had no expectation except that maybe I’d have a good time.  Our internet and phone conversations had gone well and you almost electrocuting yourself was a nice opening touch, laugh.  I was an old pro at this whole internet dating thing, but I still had faith.  I always approached each of the meetings with the attitude that this might be a real connection. 

Six months later, as I lay beside you on our mattress on the floor, I couldn’t believe that I had effectively broken every real or imaginary rule I had ever called myself having to be with you.  It was so swift and complete how I just couldn’t breathe without you. How I got naked for you and how I revealed myself to you.  Each imprint we made together is like a tattoo on my soul.  We were wilding out in this love we discovered with each other!!

One year later, Standing at that Chapel in Vegas felt like the most natural thing I had ever done in my life.  In one year, over 20 some odd years of not necessarily damaging but telling interaction with men had led to this. I wasn’t sure what I had done to deserve this, but I wasn’t going to question it.

Well here we are my love –  Just shy of 2100 days of being in each other lives.  Five years married and Six years of being together.  I have to concentrate very hard to make out the faces, places, circumstance and outcomes of my past. All I see is you.  What a wild abandoned love we have.  It frightens me sometimes that I can’t find a reason to ever leave you.  I am not accepting that one day you may not be with me due to death.  I sleep lightly when you are not laying next to me.  Cliché’ and corny, but YOU COMPLETE ME.

I wanted to write this ode to you  – not only to tell you how much I love you, but to THANK YOU.  This has not been easy.  I know it has not.  You came into a situation as a grown man getting with a grown woman.  We both had to move to a bigger house, to fit all the ‘baggage’ we had comfortably.  Yet, together we began to empty those suitcases and instead fill them with wonderful ‘memories’.  You’ve had to step into one of if not the most unique, yet dysfunctional family structures you’ve probably ever seen.  The wind tunnel will suck the living life out of you, but you stepped in and remained Mr. Price and never wavered.  You gave me the whereforall to see some things in a totally different light and the courage to just do me.  You also had to become someone’s Father.  That’s not an easy job and I will forever remember when you said to me, “the only reason I went forward with marrying you is because you didn’t have a savage child, if she had of been an issue, we wouldn’t have happened”.  I am forever grateful that you stepped in, over the carnage of broken graveside promises and buckets of bullshit and took my child in your arms, holding her tight and lifting her up, wrapping her in the love only a Father can give.  I can never repay or thank you for the gifts of life and love you’ve given her – especially when marrying me, caused you to lose the relationship you had with your own child………

You are there for us, you are a hard worker, you are not a complainer, you take care of us in all facets of the words from getting us ice cream late at night, to being a driver, to rubbing me down without asking for a rub down back. 

You also taught me about love.  I can’t even count the number of times you say you love me.  How many times you hug and kiss me, how many times you kept going even when I was uncomfortable coming from a place where I was unfamiliar with this type of affection.  You kept planting and nurturing those seeds and now I hug and say I love you to not only you but everyone close in my life.

The biggest thing I’d like to thank you for though, is sticking with me as your love has allowed me to put so much aside that I finally am faced with..me and the difficult task of peeling away those layers to become a more authentic me.  You’ve cared, you’ve held me when I’ve cried, you’ve alerted my besties when I needed that which only they give me.  Right now as I battle demons both personal and otherwise, you’ve never wavered.  You’ve never wavered.

You’ve put your own goals, dreams and aspirations on hold more than once to keep this family afloat. You’ve worked jobs others may laugh at, you’ve taken bullshit from folks with half the soul and spirit you possess, you’ve sat outside her house hoping for a glimpse, you’ve added such a warm spirit of love and joy to everyone you’ve touched, you’ve embraced folks I haven’t and gotten involved in situations I won’t and you still will dress up in sky blue polyester pants or Laker socks because I asked you to.

If I had all the money and all the fame and all the glory it would not equal one ounce of what you give me every day Reginald and I just want you to know that!  YOU, MY LOVE, ARE MY ORIGINAL MAN, THE MAKER, OWNER AND CREAM OF THIS PLANET EARTH AND GOD OF THIS UNIVERSE!

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About Pamela

Lover of MJ, Mother of College Girl, Atlanta living participant of the bigger picture. Always ready for my closeup.

3 responses to “An Open Letter to My Husband

  1. Alesia ⋅

    Pam, this was beautiful and certainly heart-felt! You will grow old together and that’s a sweet blessing. Love is real and can be forever…

    Your happiness, gratefulness and love for your man pervades your very being and is manifested through your words.

  2. Monica C.

    Bravo, girlfriend, bravo!!! Kudos to you and RG for such abundant blessings!!!

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