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This Right Here is Urgent Like A Motherfucker!

 

We sat on the bed forehead to forehead as if we were passing back and forth some great knowledge or emotion between us. At that moment it was as if he was sucking out all of the memories of love gone bad and replacing them with images, sounds, and smells of our relationship. Usually, I don’t think this is wise – those threads in your life fabric are an important part of who you are, however I find it odd that as the years wear on, my memory has become fuzzy with the loves of the past and now just pretty much rotate around this man that I love now.

 

Though he has made up his own version of the story, I remember just about every second of our entire relationship. I remember standing in front of the movie poster at Phipps Plaza waiting to have our first date. I remember seeing him coming towards me grinning very wide. My first thought “He got a lot of teeth” LOL He was sooo friendly. I mean his aura was just joyful. We saw that movie with Queen Latifah Holiday something or the other and even in the dark – there was just this flow of energy from him that I felt safe in. I walked away from that date saying he’s nice I’d like to get to know him.

 

I don’t know what happened. Every rule I had ever had ‘pretend or otherwise ( cause we know we keep these two sets of rules you know like “all time spent on the phone counts as getting to know you time so yes I can sleep with you, lol lol lol ) just FLEW OUT THE WINDOW. The more we talked the more we wanted to see each other, the more we saw each other, the more we needed for all of this to happen. All I remember is every emotion across the human spectrum going on at the same time,at warp speed and then some.

 

A funny tidbit, he had moved out of one place to an apartment. I helped him with this. On the 29th day, it was decided that since he had not stepped food in said apartment EVER – that he give it up before the rent was due again and just move on in, lol lol We got engaged at six months and married the first anniversary (give or take a few days) to our first date.

 

I can honestly say I am one of those people, who might not have had some things come true – but when I say I was presented the man that was tailored made for me in 99% of the ways I might have dreamed up in a teenage journal many moons ago – I am the one, lol So in retrospect, I have hit the lottery.

 

Really ya’ll, this man is the man for me. I think that the best thing I can say about what’s different this time is that HE’S PRESENT IN THE RELATIONSHIP ALL THE TIME!! He is always front and center in our lives as a couple and a family, irregardless of what else is going on. He also (well maybe not all the time, lol) seems excited to be in the home.

 

I still, even though we haven’t been married THAT long, am amazed at how we’ve just….connected. Everyone knows I’m not the deepest depth in the ocean and I thrive off of all things superficial and totally useless to bringing world peace, lol yet he can talk about that with me on the same level as we talk about other stuff.

 

The fun we have is like no fun I’ve ever had with anyone male or female for that matter. Just a full blown testimony of love and joy when we talk and hang out with one another. Our entire conversation tone is one that is probably so ignorant on so many levels but we revel in it. We dig deep into our insecurities and bounce them off of each other in jest and unlike with ANYONE else under the sun – they work with us.

 

He also has totally revamped the way I love. He brought the word full time into my home. Now we all don’t leave, step away or hang up without giving the sentiment. We keep the word love stoked in the family fireplace. We hug and touch one another as a family and he and I stay all cuddled up. I’ve just given up on some levels of personal space because it just doesn’t work in my house. The joy I feel when I’m in the middle surrounded by the two of them climbing all over me is one I never thought possible (I’ve spoken about all my struggles with touch in previous posts). The thing is, between him and me, it’s not even sexual most of the times – it’s more emotional. We pull and push this energy of emotion between us all the time.

 

He takes care of me (and my child) in a way, I can’t even describe. Like a lot of couples, we’ve developed this whole ebb and flow thing between us in our language with our pitches and tones. We’ve assumed these ‘roles’ that might even be annoying to us, but it works.

 

 

 

This is a rich yet financially broke relationship, lol Yet it’s the fullest one I’ve ever been in. Even just walking to the mail box is full of activity and flurry. Everything we’ve experienced together to this point has been like we were born yesterday and are just experiencing things. He totally knocks that notion that because we’ve had life – we can’t experience it together. we’ve had fun when we’ve split $2, lol lol lol

 

I think I might be mad that I’m so open and emotional about this man, lol lol I can be sitting with him and start to feel a physically falling inside of me falling in love with him over and over and over. I can pretty much confirm NOBODY has seen me like this with or around a man. He got me O-P-E-N lol

 

You know I was going to add the requisite we aren’t perfect, there are struggles, blah blah balh but fuck that – why must we always add a weak brick into something to make everyone else feel good? That stuff does not run in the foreground of this relationship.

 

I guess I just wanted to really let some of this love ooze out, because it coats my very soul. It’s rich, wet, sticky and lush. It blooms and flowers all year long, it thrives in darkness and in light, It flaps in the wind like a colorful cloth. It’s the last scene of The Color Purple, Love Jones and every wedding in a Tyler Perry Movie, lol lol

 

I can remember and see when I was in the dark, “Hear My Call” that Jill Scott moment, I’ve taken to calling it and really just wasn’t sure what was in my future when it came to a man. I guess that was me pulling the slot machine and then as I watched the 777’s come up – I was happy, but when I saw that it was a progressive machine – I can’t be anything but humble and thankful.

 

I also think that as part of this ‘wardrobe change’ I’ve been talking about – this relationship is like the most expensive, frilly, sexy and supportive set of underwear I could ever ask for. You can’t do anything but put on one hell of an outfit with that as your undergarments.

 

as you say RG “I love you, I’m in love with you and I want to be in love with you” DITTO

 

 

 

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About Pamela

Lover of MJ, Mother of College Girl, Atlanta living participant of the bigger picture. Always ready for my closeup.

2 responses to “This Right Here is Urgent Like A Motherfucker!

  1. *tears* beautiful, mannnnn. One day I’m gonna tell that Jill song to kiss my ass. One day…. I love you Pam my friend. Thanks for that.

  2. Monica C.

    Girlfriend, I love this! I love that you have this in your life! What a tremendous blessing. You may be financially broke, but you have the stuff people DREAM of! I don’t really know you – actually, scratch that, I know you, LOL – heck the Internet is real, LOL – and I am truly happy for you!!

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