So Oprah has decided, as she tries to make her station more relevant to the masses who miss her in their living rooms every day, to take us on a journey through her years of life and the lessons she’s learned. Now on one level this is great but on another it can be complicated because I am still a believer that the mind gets clearer the more money the wallet gets. A lot of the lessons we all learn in life – are changed immediately when it comes to say family, where it can become quite complicated, having a few million behind the feeling HELPS chase away those demons for sure.
However, I decided to watch the first episode on the EGO and I really had to submit, because I will submit to the truth (well ok when it’s served on a nice platter with some of my favorite foods and other distracting goodies to sugar coat it, lol lol lol) Surprisingly my own EGO took over for a moment and made an immediate list of the folks who needed to see this and then I gave myself over to what started rumbling inside of me. We all have things that simmer just beneath the surface any form of heat that is applied, brings them bubbling up and over. Mine has always been and will always be related to family. As I watched that show all kinds of emotions boiled up inside of me and I was able to articulate some on Facebook for the world to see. One of my pet peeves is the self therapy. It’s like that re-virgin mess – of course you can treat yourself, hell you know just what to say, lol lol Say that mess aloud someone may give you a perspective you need.
I’ve watched several of the shows over the two weeks and it actually has helped me release some nuggets of shit just sitting in my second colon string weighing me down. Saying some of it aloud is freeing. All of the shows I haven’t identified wholly with, but those that I have have slammed into me. Some things that I can acknowledge –
Maybe I do feel ‘some kinda way’ about the whole parentage thing and the gloss over of the events at hand.
I miss having siblings (for the sake of this blog – my siblings are the ones that I have a direct blood line too so that’s 4 people) I am the oldest which means they came into my life, I want to at least be cordial with all of them at any given time.
I am still fine with the relationships I have not been able to foster and give that over to God.
I am FINE with who I am, what I’ve accomplished or not accomplished and how my mind works!
I am a hell of a lot stronger and kinda revel in the fact that others thing I’m weak.
The entire Ohio situation causes me stress, so I have decided to not deal with it at this time.
Falling in love with my best friend opened the door to me finding love from a man
I’ve been a damn good parent and no one can tell me differently
I am a passenger and there’s nothing wrong with that
My husband is my anchor more than I probably would like to admit
I love and know how to love
The ‘Family” I have created does give me the peace I need in that area and there’s nothing wrong with that
I am now living in a lot more reality than I used to live in
I am still in denial about my Diabetes and angry that I have it
I identify my religious base as Islam, but I’m just not into religion. I want to be able to communicate and reach God and peace in whatever way I choose to. I just don’t want all that pomp/circumstance/judging/requirements etc. It does not interest me in my adult life.
I’m a bit mad that I have to fight so hard, with myself, to be just Pam.
Those are just a few nuggets to get out the colon. I feel lighter and more ‘regular’ already. I think that ultimately my goal in life is to remain ‘regular’ to be able to take a dump a couple times a day in order to be able to breathe and be at the best of health both physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally.
I titled this “That Damn Oprah” because, as I stated in a previous blog post, I have been on a journey to a wardrobe and it was like an ah-ha moment that she came out with this series. I’ve cried watching some of the topics because they just confirmed that it’s alright to be Pam. I am a contributor to the earth in the way that I contribute. I kinda feel a bit Oprahish. I am the Oracle in my circle, I bump around and come upon through others a whole heap of wisdom, knowledge and understanding. I am a person of conversation and humor – I give my gift to whomever wants it and for the most part it is always well received.
I will continue to watch Oprah as a branching out of my own cleaning – that damn Oprah, I tell yah, she always sending someone on one, lol lol lol