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Blocking the Snoring with my Randomness

 

One day I am really going to sit down and put the ipad through it’s paces. Probably when iOS 5 comes out.

 

I feel a little guilty that my mind is wandering to the next phase of my life (when the child goes away to College) a bit more than I probably would want. Just really trying to figure out what it would feel like to RG and I. It won’t really feel different until she’s gone longer than a month, because we’ve experienced that before.

 

I also feel slightly guilty that I’m moving away in my life a bit from where my two Bestie’s are right now. They are still actively raising little ones. All of a sudden the fact that I am 7 years older than them is showing.

 

The teenager’s Anatomy class had a guest speaker about Sex and Reproduction – why she now giving me and RG a massive side eye?!

 

More importantly why has she decided I’m going through Menopause?

 

Why do sometimes I feel like I am?

 

Why am I nervous to ask my mom about it?

 

Why is all of this making my eye twitch?

 

If I could close my eyes and blink myself into an era right about now, I would open them and be working at a record store, living with about 6 folks, constantly seen in hot pants and lace up the front boots, an active drinker and weed smoker – who disco’ed the entire weekend away in Manhattan. Oh and RG would wear leather fringe vests, tight pants and be right along side me, lol lol

 

RG and I might be turning into that couple who start to be like twins. I expect us to be wearing matching velour track suits by the time we’re 60. It will just work.

 

Are you just as annoyed as me with Facebook Relationships? You know what they are – they spend all this time proclaiming their love and adoration for each other, dropping little hints that they are so in love when you know for a fact, it ain’t hardly that lovey dovey, lol lol lol

 

I think one of the reasons why it makes my butt itch is because I didn’t have the opportunity to experience it and seeing it unfold is just a bit much.

 

I am so feeling just wearing my hair all over the place.

 

The one thing I am in awe still with concerning my hair is the way attitude and availability can make all the difference. I wonder where a lot of us would be if all of the product etc. was available when we tried to go natural before? When I look in the mirror I see it as a totally different creature than I did the first time.

 

Was pondering if one of the reasons so many kids are so buck wild is that the parents are still trying to ‘do them’ at the same time as raising kids. I am of the school of thought that the two can’t run neck and neck. Once you become a parent, there are stages of independence not only for the child, but for the parent as well. You just can’t do you at full throttle like that, not even the rich and famous. You have to either re-invent yourself during that time period or resign yourself to only being a portion of you until your child is older. We both can’t wear bootie shorts. We both can’t meet boys off the internet, we both can’t weave out. The job of being a parent consumes who ever you think you are and one day you look up and are reintroduced to yourself. That’s just what I’m thinking.

 

Yesterday I swear I wanted to disown the City of Atlanta. I saw so much tragic fuckery surrounding our women that I was just D-O-N-E.

 

I’m starting to think about braids or twists or something for the fall.

 

One of the mechanisms I use to stay sane is to never live in totally reality. It’s true, if I don’t have some fantasy place to go off in – sometimes it can just become to much for me. Sometimes, reality is too powerful though and pushes the fantasy down to make a full blown attempt at taking over my life. I have to fight that Mofo with all I have. Last week, it won and for a couple of days I felt like I needed some xanax or something. Whew!! Glad I was able to get some balance back in my life, lol lol

 

Have you ever felt that someone who is your friend is right this second, sitting with someone who is not, rolling through your page with commentary?

 

Did my quarterly check and as usual was bored to tears. That’s a good thing.

 

I feel like my love for RG is more appropriate in say Shakesphere’s time. Really. I would love to just sit by a roaring fire in my puffy dress with my long finger waved out hair, chest spilling forth deliciously just writing poem after poem trying to describe my love for him.

 

More and more I feel like everything I’ve written needs to be burned upon my death. I think that whatever someone’s opinion of me needs to remain just where it is when I’m gone and a sudden reading and possible understanding of me and where I’m coming from would spoil the afterlife for me.

 

The thing I love most about my relationship (today) is that RG is IN the relationship. There have been times when only I have been in one with people and they have dipped in and out or were never really even there. RG is so in this relationship!!! He has no worries or qualms about making sure that I know it. He spends every day connecting both physically and mentally with me about all kinds of things. The joy of coming home and knowing that I’m wanted in that home, I was missed while I was away and that he is eager to let me know this, can’t be duplicated. Everyday he makes a conscious decision to LOVE ME. Not because he has to, not because we have kids, not because folks say that’s what should happen, not because he hasn’t found the better one…he LOVES ME cause he’s IN LOVE with me. That’s some powerful powerful uninhibited grown man shit right there!!

 

The Fall TV Season is right around the corner!! There better be some stuff I want to see!!!!!!

 

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About Pamela

Lover of MJ, Mother of College Girl, Atlanta living participant of the bigger picture. Always ready for my closeup.

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