I peeped this over at THOUGHTSOFASOUTHERNGIRL and made sure I jotted down the subject. Though I wasn’t tagged, I’m tagging my damn self, lol lol I was going to write about something else today, but after the response yesterday, I thought this would be a good Wednesday offering.
Why I Write
In once sentence, “Because there is so much going on in my head, it spills out all over a piece of paper” Now that we have that out of the way, I’ll expound, lol. I remember vividly the first thing I ever wrote – it was a graphic story about having sex on the Scream Machine at Six Flags with my 4-7 grade crush Malcolm. I can’t tell you where that whole feeling or whatever came from, but I remember that little story, lol lol I also remember my mom finding it and me burning it in the back yard. Yea I remember that. and still find myself chuckling that my first foray into emptying my mind was nasty as hell, lol.
As I progressed in life – it became a need to write. I had soo much going on in my head!! It was like electrons going off all the time – vivid colors, scenarios, wishes, dreams, fantasies. I have been keeping a journal since I was around 11 and I have them all in their various forms. I used to even staple notebook paper together to make a book to write in. One of the sole reasons I even made it through High School was because of Journaling, my first marriage? Survived because of Journalings. In some ways it became a crutch – this alter ego to what I was actually experiencing. I also wrote fiction (some may say my journals were fiction, lol) One of the best times of my life was my 3 volume 5 section composition book on my life and times with Michael Jackson. That took me all the way through meeting him at 17 until we retired and had Grand children. (Yes I still have that, lol) Every week I would have a ‘reading’ folks would gather around so I could read the latest chapters to them.
While I was in High School, I discovered that writing on deadline or writing on topic came hard for me. I really was the type of person who wrote more in the spillage method; when it got to full I had to spill it out on paper.
I’ve given some background on how I came to write, and even some reasons why, but at the same time – I could say I don’t know why I write. It’s something that is just in me. It brings me joy when it happens and when it doesn’t eventually I know it will be back. I went through a short poetry moment, I went through a LONGGGG Erotica stage, I wrote an entire book for teens and lost most of it in the change of technology. In my defunct previous blog (I need to get that stuff off of the server I was using) I talked about this other element of me writing – the fact that quite frankly, I don’t feel she would support anything I ever wrote professionally if folks knew I was her daughter. So to avoid that entire scenario in my life (and I’m COOL WITH THAT REALLY) I dig into the more intrinsic nature of my writing because if it doesn’t feel good to me then it won’t feel good to others.
Blogging basically was therapy for free and was instrumental in who I am today – the entire getting back to me was almost solely because of The Emancipation of Pammie. The names of all my blogs have correlated with Mariah Carey’s CD Releases – so this might be my last one unless she comes out with some new music, lol lol lol
When folks ask me about the whole writing for profit thing, I always say I have a book – all those blogs I wrote. I have them all downloaded and quite a bit of it edited, but the mood has to hit me for that as well. I work on it and my intent – though don’t hold me to it – is to be done by this year and be ready to pounce through self publishing at the beginning of 2012 my 46th year on the planet. Yes what I say here contradicts what I say above, but in a way it doesn’t, lol lol If I’m at the place where I am strong enough to flip that situation off, then it’s a go – if not, I might just force myself. Can’t hold back my light because of the glare of another…yah know.
So in a nutshell, all of this is why I write. Yesterday, I wrote a piece about ‘Always Holding the Pocketbooks” it came from a place of observation not sadness or anything like that, but the outpouring of conversation surrounding it and the feelings evoked really sums up why I write. I am willing to tell chapters and verses of my life story because then it becomes our story.