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45 for 45

Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me. Well as I live and breathe I will forever be in awe of the greatness of Allah and the fact that He continues to bless me, my family, and my friends. I thank you on my knees for blessing me to see another day.

I thought as I sit here that in should take this quiet time to reflect on 45 things I am grateful for.

I AM GRATEFUL FOR

1. the teenager. I went and looked at my baby this morning and reflected on what I went through to get her here and how I have no regrets about any sacrifices, wheelings or dealings that allowed me to raise her. I didn’t put my life on hold, I had one for her.

2. For employment. Particularly for the type of employment that I have. I have been able, because of this, to never have to work on weekends, to have insurance, to have bandwidth and to raise my child when I was single without any real bumps. I could be at the school play and the Drs office. I don’t take the almost 13 years for granted at all

3. For the 2 convos I’ve had recently with my Brother GoodBeds. I know about growth and the power of it and the possibility of change. He’s always been one of the greatest loves of my life and the ability to have any convo after our turbulent adult history is progress and gives me hope about my own journey.

4. Happiness. When you experience happiness for real you are forever affected by the brevity of it. We have all kinds of levels of it and can even fake it or exalt it falsely, but to really free yourself up to feel real happiness is a beautiful thing.

5. The skin I’m in. All my life I have been told the wondrous nature of being black. It was my first view and hopefully my last. I love being black! I love knowing black! I love loving black! I look at my people and can see the beginning of life from the best to the worse. I would not be able to survive without us and have no intention of trying

6. The ability to write. To bubble up and be able to express is a blessing. Even when your vocal cords don’t work the pencil to paper is as freeing as I will ever be.

7. Being the daughter of Solomon Ali

8. Finding two sisters to grow old with. Friendship is an interesting concept and not easily obtained we know all kinds of people and like all relationships I’ve had breakups fights cheats lies and drifting a parts. Sometimes all at once. Sometimes all by me. Then I met Alicia and in the blink of an eye I found my friend soulmate and then I met Ty and couldn’t believe I could get that lucky. To have folks who get it and get you adds so much depth to this thing called life. I have never been in love with women until I met them.

9. Michael Jackson

10. The bubble I grew up in. My childhood whitewashed and all is something I will never forget. If i sit outside of myself and look at it. I wouldn’t believe it either.

11. Wigs and weaves

12. For the freeness to cry

13. For clarity to see that my mom is just a woman, just like me and that I have stuck in there through some really really difficult times to be able to see this and respect it.

14. Falling in love with myself

15. Fried chicken

16. Good R&B

17. Breasts that still sit up unassisted

18. Having those few things that make me unique

19. Having passion and being passionate about them

20. Being a creative mind

21. Being blessed to have people who feel like I’m someone they would like to draw knowledge and wisdom from

22. Going to college so late in life if for no other reason than the act of Learning.

23. Learning to eat crow and accept responsibility for my wayward ways with folks I say I love. Well some of it lol

24. being exposed to soo much in my life

25. Finding out what makes me me 100% with the knowledge of my biological father. It’s still weird and I am non committal but one look and talk with him caused me to have the greatest exhale ever and I got two sisters out the deal.

26. The relationship with my nephew. I have not been an aunt like I should or had the experience like I thought I’ve been hurt bad and hurt others but developing a relationship with at least one of them means a lot to me

27. Knowing who I was even if I wasn’t able to participate actively.

28. Facebook. It has and continues to feed my very soul socially.

29. All the men I’ve loved before. The Blackman is the greatest man on the planet earth and though nothing worked my over arching love for the magnificence that is him has me take away something from dealing with them. You never best me you never stole from me ( outside of my heart) and you all left me with something that I could use.

30. Morals and values

31. Ciroc

32. Learning how to hug

33. The comfort of junk

34. Muscadine season

35. The discovery of orgasms!

36. That my child thinks I’ve been 37 for 5 years now

37. That I was blessed with tight skin

38. That I still can sit quietly with myself and not let my demons take over

39. The wonderful wonderful invention of books!

40. For having so much waiting for me in the future

41. Recognizing that you can process stress it does not have to process you

42. That I learned to open my mouth.

43. That I learned to shut it

44. That my daughter is braver smarter and more…..than me

And

45. Reginald. My gift was God on request from my Daddy. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

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About Pamela

Lover of MJ, Mother of College Girl, Atlanta living participant of the bigger picture. Always ready for my closeup.

3 responses to “45 for 45

  1. NikkiFree ⋅

    Love the list. Also meant to tell you that you are glowing. Usually, that applies to pregnant women. To “glow” withour being pregnant is just a sign of true happiness. May God continue to bless you and yours.

  2. Sonya Coggins ⋅

    You are freakin’ brilliant and beautiful inside and out. I love your heart and courage and I envy that in you. I wish for you nothing short of the success, happiness and prosperity you so deserve and if there is anything that I can do to assist you with it, email me. Chick, you rock! Happy birthday!

  3. I’m late but Happy Belated Birthday! Why was I not surprise you are thankful for Michael Jackson. lol

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