You know how you have those days where you just feeling yourself a lot? Well this morning was one of those times. As I mentioned before I’ve been on a quest for good (or better) health. I recently discovered that I was within maybe 1-12 pounds of my ‘personal fine’ weight. You know they keep those charts and graphs and what not but we know what our body feels comfortable at and all of a sudden I am finding myself close to it.
As a descendent of the Oprah Tribe, I’ve been every weight under the sun. It comes and goes as with anyone who battles weight gain. Nobody battling weight loss, lol lol but you fight tooth and nail about that gain. Unfortunately the last time I was in a weight loss cycle it was prior to meeting my husband. When we married I was heavier, but I totally am less than the size of the woman he married. I made a conscious decision NOT to lose weight for the wedding. Why would I false advertise like that? LOL Why not surprise him and lose weight after instead of scare the hell out of him when coming off the Honeymoon from all the weight I gained back. I also realized that I wasn’t having any children – so in my mind, I had no excuse not to drop some pounds.
I am a HATER of exercise. I’ve always been able to adjust my eating habits (not really diet) and get the weight down. Over the course of the last several years, I’ve just slowly melted away – but nothing like what I’m looking at now. The Hubby is about to experience the super fast and ass twitching ‘thin’ era. Now thin means a lot of things and comes in at all kinds of numbers. For me, I am thin when: I can shop at the lower scale of the plus size store or the higher end of the regular store and I can shop at the Thrift much easier, lol My clothes size always disappoints me because I, as I’ve spoken about before, am an egg on stilts. The roundness of my body houses not only every disease known to black women (thanks Ma!) but it’s very hard to lose – so I might be rocking a 14 BUT because of my gut, I have to wear a 16 which puts the rest of my “Gena” no hips having ass at a disadvantage.
Back to this morning, I totally wanted to take a picture after I got dressed and lo and behold I have COLLAR BONES!!! I looked at my wrist and felt desirable to RAY CHARLES (RIP)! LOL! My face looked a lot less fluffy as well. As I said on Facebook – I’m feeling real Arethaish right about now!! I looked in the mirror and saw the weight loss. I am about to do my second closet purge, because I just feel swallowed up. However, I’m going to hold off because we are so close to season change (irregardless of how the weather is bouncing back and forth) no need to buy any new winter clothes.
which brings me to my individual ‘fat suit’ issues. We all have them. That programming we do inside our heads who’s sole purpose is to be a self esteem killer. I don’t buy clothes in advance of anything because at any moment, I can gain all my weight back. I have a very hard time throwing clothes away that are big whereas I eagerly toss anything that is too…small. Being a non-fasionista doesn’t help this any because I just have minimal concept of how to dress to begin with and it’s hard for me to really focus on that because I never feel like I’m really gonna lose weight for the long term. Now I’ve kept 38 pounds off for years now, but according to the ‘fat suit’ that don’t count. SMDH. However, my self esteem is intact. I was feeling good six months ago, that helps a lot in moving to a space that you can maintain control over the ‘fat suit’.
I’m now excited!! I’m excited that my hubby gets to experience the thin cycle!! When I’m in the thin cycle, I as a hot ass!!!! Its’ just in time for summer too!! Which means the cute short sun dresses, cute wedge sandles, big hair/hats/jewelry!!!! Little shirts with capri’s!! The last man to be privvy to the thin cycle was “Glass Chess” and he didn’t know what to do with it. Ohhh my Hubby will!!!!!!!!!
In my Valentine’s Day Love Post – I spoke on how much I am loving discovering the woman in me (I think, lol) I’ve really never taken the time to just focus on developing the woman while rediscovering the young girl in myself. I’m suddenly into hair, make up, a little bit clothes, jewelry etc. One day I looked in the mirror and I saw someone I liked in a hat. For YEARS I thought hats looked terrible on me!! Now I have a cute collection for the summer and even some fun stuff for evening. The other night I wore heels out for the first time in a long time. The better I get my health, the better my feet feel and I can wear shoes that I desire.
I’m saying all of this to say that I’m in a REALLY REALLY GOOD ME SPACE right now. It’s like I’m opening up these internal closets that had all these cool things in them that I just kept in storage, lol Now I’m about making me a Mariah Carey closet!!! YEAR OF MY 45TH IN FULL EFFECT!!! Let me know if you are discovering these sides to yourself!!