Last night as the hubby and I bantered back and forth over the Facebook about a bowl of oxtails, something came to mind. Sometimes it changes but the BEST PART of my marriage is the fact that we have a GOOD TIME! A genuine good time with one another. I’ve had some relationships in my lifetime and there have been fleeting moments of this kinda sheer enjoyment, but the thing that I notice about this is that it doesn’t need anything to happen. On a daily basis, he and I get into the groove with one another. The banter is real, the jokes swift, sometimes biting, but some of the best I’ve been privy to and no matter what we are in the midst of doing or what is intruding our space – that stays on the front burner.
I hadn’t really thought about that aspect of a relationship, to be honest. I know you are suppose to be attracted to one another, I know that you would like to be able to go places and do things with the person you are with and I understand the concept that your mate should be you ‘best’ friend – but the action of engaging in having a good time with your mate is something that I hadn’t put a lot of thought into. All of the aforementioned things are great but quite frankly – it all takes to much thought and observation and what not. The other thing is that for some reason, you rarely get to see that side of a persons relationship. We so busy trying to make sure everyone knows we are IN LOVE and listing out specific things that we think makes everyone else believe we are in love, not to mention proclaiming our love – that the part of the relationship that makes it really real is lost somewhere in the shuffle. I see, hear, read about couples all the time and I come away with – but are ya’ll having a good time. I’m not seeing the ‘smile’ or the ‘laughter’ or the ‘freedom’ in the relationship. Though it’s really not my place, I guess, to see it – it would be nice.
Is this something that we need to guard and keep close like our sex lives? If we show the ‘groove’ does that mean Quintavious or Sharmeka are going to want our mate? I’m thinking that the FLOW of a relationship is a bit harder than we like to admit. We fall into these circles of life where we are so busy living that we don’t LIVE.
If we would show this aspect of our lives, maybe the Black Relationship wouldn’t get such a bad rap. I always feel like whenever my husband and I are having a “Good Time” in the public, there is this slight side eye as if the fact we have a Good Time is wrong. Maybe it’s because what’s a Good Time to us might not be Good Time to others. So what we break out and Pop Lock at the Stop light to Planet Rock?, You mean to tell me that everyone doesn’t get into a battle where you have to speak for a solid hour in only movie quotes from Boomerang? How come folks aren’t coming home to their mate dressed up in a afro wig, shades and a guitar singing Javier Songs? Why would it be something that you wouldn’t let folks inside to see. It seems as if we are more apt to talk about a great sexual experience than just having a good time in your relationship.
I was believer that you really couldn’t and didn’t have to be best friends with your mate, but this relationship has changed my idea about that. The whole friend concept with someone you are in a relationship had me caught up because I saw it as a decision that required you to be a certain kinda way. Spent a lot of time thinking, plotting, organizing, referencing etc. the relationship. It was like being a robot. NOWW I have freed up a lot of that space to just BE in the relationship and GASP Relate, lol
My Daddy told me a long time ago – All of life is a script. Don’t ever write a script and not let the other players know their parts then get mad because they are not sticking to the script. WISE WORDS, yet you know you don’t follow em till it hits home. Well it hit home and just like the Television Industry – Unscripted REALITY is the way to go, lol yea sometimes there are reshoots and that just might be cause I got caught under the Coffee Table and needed time to unhook myself, lol lol
At this stage in my life I’m all about switching the thought process. Before it was about spending a lot of time trying to prove the relationship is working and saying/doing the things that people had identified as signs you were in a good relationship. A lot of that included all the grudge and mundaneness of relating. Now I’m about letting the relationship define itself. I’m stepping outside my own box and the box that relationships have been put into. It’s all about shits and giggles. It’s about the fact that we don’t give a damn how it’s perceived that we are pushing 17 on the maturity level in some instances. We are not afraid to acknowledge that we are having a good time on a day to day basis and not just because it’s a holiday, we went somewhere, we did something, we are out with friends, etc.
I look at fictional couples like say Martin and Gina. They had a GOOD TIME in their Relationship, they alone were laughing, joking and getting into situations etc. on the constant. They are my current relationship model. You gotta LIVE!! You just gotta live!! Honey – where’s the brass headboard – let’s see if I can get stuck and we can put it on video and post it on Facebook!!!