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Sandcastles In My Mind

So I was all caught up, turned out and in love and got conned into joining the hubby at the Gym this evening!!  My mental blockage on exercise is intense BUT I am going to keep my promise. I had a blockage about a lot of things (take for instance going natural) and that certainly changed so I’m going to do my best.  He wants to do something positive like working out with me (cause we certainly eat out together, lol)  and that’s a way to spend time together.  We have a gym right in our Apt. complex (as most complexes have) so I’m going to try to work it out – at least until the Summer and see what’s up then?  I am not dissatisfied with my weight (but anything lost is life gained).  I am upset about my stamina etc. and I swore I saw something take off in the back flapping like a broke flag so anything to help anchor that bad boy down is a positive.  I WILL be mad during this entire thing but I’m going! I’m going!  I’m sure the Teenager is coming as well.  My one thing is that I am NOT walking up there and back – we are driving to the gym!!  Don’t Judge Me!!

Ever see someone who looks great in a uniform then see them not in the uniform and no so much?  Experienced that about 15 minutes ago, and am real mad about that!

I was so disturbed with RHOA last evening. It made me really want to turn the channel. I’ve participated in some niggardness in my day – I’m sure there are folks right now who think I’m a class A Bitch – but the way NeNe was acting (and snippets of all the rest) just made me real uncomfortable as if (1) I was looking in on some folks personal business and (2) acknowledging that everyone else was looking in as well.  The show just imploded upon itself..  Glad it’s about to be over.  I am most trying to figure out how NeNe who really has the biggest personality and greatest chance to parlay herself into some other money, all trimmed and tuned up, looking fab, has decided to continue to portray herself in such a ‘crazy’ way on television.  It really reminds me of about 3 chapters in my Mom’s book (you know the chapters folks claimed no one acted like).  Just rabid about the mouth………I really hope she did look at that and decide to work on that.

Girl Scout Cookie Time – God help me!!

Discovered a   “Eating Wrong’ Trigger – Murry’s Sugar Free Shortbread cookies (serving size 7 cookies), actually eaten, WHOLE PACK!  Mac & Cheese. SMDH

Folks think they slick and I can’t do anything but laugh.  Hubby took a REALLY nice picture. He feeling himself on the extra – so is a lot of his Facebook folks – except they are choosing to tell him privately or through the ‘chat’ feature. This is why women don’t trust other women.  If I’m going to compliment a man on Facebook, I’m doing it right on his page, the second I go ‘underground’ is the second you get the SIDE EYE!

So I flat ironed my hair for this weekend because I saw a really cute hair piece that I wanted to rock.  It looked like a buck wild braid out, lol lol  When I tell you I got totally overwhelmed with the process and the results. It just brought back a lot of  reasoning as to why I fell into weaves to begin with. If I can’t go to the hair dresser, I just don’t like messing with my hair!!  I am happy my ends look good and it got so soft and wispy after flat ironing it, but it’s soft when it’s curly.  I think the biggest surprise was the Hubby’s reaction. He freaked and really wanted to make sure I didn’t put a relaxer in.  He wanted to know when was I going to wet it, lol  I love having this option though!!  I am going to find me a ‘textured’ fall to incorporate into my style platform and definitely getting me a matching puff – because twisting the front and adding a huge Fro and some hair scarfs etc. will look hella cute.

I am sooo tripping on ‘activities’ I want to participate in this year.  I need to get a grip!

Exactly why is a Natural Hair event $75 for one day?!  I’ll wait till April for the bigger show when it’s $10 to get in.

Yes I set aside some Income Tax Money for Clothes/Make Up/Jewelry/Hair/Mike and Scrapbooking, lol 

I didn’t set aside JACK for paying any bills….SMDH

The $10 bottle of Ciroc is going to get me in TROUBLEEE, lol  Why can’t I throw those bottles away, lol 

The Hubby and I already looking for someplace else to drive…..

Speaking of GAS PRICES?!  WHAT IN THE HELL?!?!?!?!?!?!  I’m NOT a happy camper about it and it’s going to only go up. 

Sometimes just because you have one thing in common it’s not the basis a friendship makes.

You can meet women online and take it off and it be a disaster too. That feeling is just not limited to trying to date on line.

There is always so much talk about ‘damaged black women’ and black men are just kinda put into the ‘hot mess’ category. Well there are a lot of damaged men out here in the world. I mean really – something didn’t work out in their youth or they have adopted some actions etc. that ruin what might otherwise be a beautiful person (when that part of them shows). I know two such men and it’s a damn shame.  That makes me sadder than a man just being trifling because that is an area where men don’t talk about it and certainly don’t get a lot of help for it.  There’s this expectation that Black women aren’t complete unless they proclaim and acknowledge this about themselves then work on it – better if you work on it in public (lol) I haven’t seen but one man come out and say he knows he’s damaged because of XYZ and just kept it real. 

I looked back over some pictures we recently took and remembered the feeling and the look around the room and got sad, because it just won’t be for me within my own blood line and I take responsibility for declining every attempt there has been to make it that way because I don’t feel it in my heart.  It’s like when someone is on drugs and have these moments of clarity and you race to them to hang out and be – knowing full damn well, as soon as that drug gets in their system it’s back to normal. I’d rather just not put myself through that.  I don’t even know HOW to act around most anymore.  Being yourself is something just NOT an option and the person I need to be for those events wears me out.. 

I’ve had a couple of dreams about death that have left me not sad but angry. It was all about being selfish, being an ass and the realization that you were special way to late!! 

I got that ‘I wish I could throw everything away and start over’ feeling and there’s no reality in that, lol 

As I walked around Savannah Georgia this weekend, I know I made a lot of right choices for me, even if I tripped, fell, and have been drug along as I figured it all out. 

The whole freedom of speech and thought is SO HIGHLY OVERRATED!  I want to know more and more folks who think and act almost identical to me it cuts out so much BS time, I tell yah.  Robots work for me, lol lol

My stress level has been really good lately, really good. 

Believe it or not – I really haven’t had anything time consuming on my mind, lol lol


About Pamela

Lover of MJ, Mother of College Girl, Atlanta living participant of the bigger picture. Always ready for my closeup.

4 responses to “Sandcastles In My Mind

  1. Sandstone ⋅

    You’re going to ‘drive’ to the gym,that is in the complex……lol….Not judging…

    Love the pics of your anniversary trip to Savannah. You two look so peaceful and like you had a great time.

    Sad to say this, but I have never been to Savannah. I have always said that I wanted to go, but have yet to do it. Maybe I can fit it in some time this year.

  2. NikkiFree ⋅

    Gotta keep movin’ as we get older —- one way or the other. Our metabolism slows down to the rate of molasses!! WTH?! I’m not a fan of exercise. I’m trying to be creative abt it.

    I’m pretty happy myself. I started asking God,” Why did I have to be this old and go throught so much to FINALLY see some daylight?” Then I got my senses back and realized I have no place questioning God. He does things in HIS time. Not ours.

    FB folks hitting you up in the inbox. With me, it’s usually some married dude. SMH!

  3. Monica C.

    Nene acted like a complete FOOL on that show. I was outraged, embarassed and too through by the end. I have NO respect for her – uugh!

  4. Sonya Coggins ⋅

    Enjoyed it Pam and Happy Anniversary again! The road you’ve traveled thusfar is the one you’re suppose to be on. Sometimes our tribulations are for the benefit of others. Just my 2 cents….

    Looking forward to the next “memoir”!

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