“One day you are going to be making love and one of you WILL be sleep!” I heard this from a movie trailer and fell out laughing. One of the most controversial and confuddled subjects is that whole now we married so sex sucks thing.
I had a request to speak on this topic after my musings on marriage last week. I have been batting back and forth mainly because the subject is so broad yet tailored to each couple. I certainly don’t have any answers, lol lol Yet I will attempt to discuss this in the most impersonal, un x-rated way possible, lol lol I do encourage other married folks to chime in cause I’m going to need it, lol.
I think the main universal truth about Sex after Marriage is that it is going to change. That’s where it ends because there are so many variables and so many places/events etc. where the change happens.
I am of the belief that a lot of dating sex is all smoke, mirrors and lies. Marriage sex is all about accepting the truth, working out what works, throwing in something from the back of the closet sometimes to mix it up, and reaching for a newer level of closeness.
Marriage sex is also about DOING YOU!! Don’t let anyone tell you what you should be doing, what others are doing.
All the same kinda sex you had single will still be there: stress sex, insomnia sex, the kids are gone sex, the kids are coming back sex, we wanna have kids sex, when I was in HS/College I was the bomb sex, Um really? Already? Sex, doing you a favor sex, way to much ass/tits/dick prints at the club gotta get this off sex, it ain’t even about you sex and probably a whole lot more.
I could go into the usual, keep yourself up, keep your Vicky game tight etc. but in reality the biggest favor as a woman you can do for yourself and the most liberating thing about sex with someone you are ‘with’ is to know and understand that ALL OF THAT STUFF DON’T MATTER REALLY and then don’t take it personal. There will be some situations where you scare the beejezus out yourself with how crazy you look, how much hair has appeared on your legs and upper lip, lol Be You and just make sure right when You get tired of being You – you got something in the closet to be someone else and you should be fine.
Another bit of advice: If sex for us is between our ears and for them between their legs – if you don’t do anything else – make sure you TAKE A LISTEN if you get my drift, lol If you get that game right and know how to work that into some interesting situations you will be revered forever, lol Fellas take some dedicated time to get her going early and all day which may include you um…doing a CHORE or bathing a child etc. and she’ll thank you for it.
It can get lazy, repetitive and boring. It ebbs and flows, the trick is to recognizing that and getting it back on track. Times are different, I am SURE before electricity sex was way exciting because you had to Shut everything down once it got dark and there was nothing to freaking do, lol lol Now there are so many distractions, so many reasons not to come to bed – make sure you maintain reasons to wanna go to bed.
Don’t let your Children mess up your relationship!! Put them out your bed, out your room, and teach them to respect the marital room. The only personal story I will give is that I’ve locked mine out the house before – they will live.
Don’t believe that Love doesn’t have anything to do with it. That one emotion can take you a long way when the well is dry for whatever reason.
It’s ok to be selfish about it – Marriage is give and take, even in the bedroom.
Sometimes while you riding along bring it up in conversation – communication will keep you on the same page and you might learn something about the way your mate is feeling, thinking, reacting.
FREE YOURSELF, if you can’t be free with the person you consciously chose to see you at your best and worse, then what’s the point?
Keep your intimate relationship intact. Always touch, hug, kiss, hold hands, nuzzle necks and LAUGH A LOT!
Don’t let romance novels, television and movies distort the wonderful man/woman you DO have – cause those folks are scripted.
Expounding on something I said in that other post – more often than not sex is not going to be initiated with candles, Luther and what not, but with you sleep on your side not facing your mate and then there’s the movement of the bed as they scoot up to you, the ruffle of the covers as they feel around to see (1) if you got some clothes on – which might mean you are on that time of the month and (2) if you are going to swat them away – then they go in for the hunch, they will hunch away to see if you respond. if you move at all (even to scratch your nose) that’s the GREEN LIGHT, lol lol Get over it and enjoy, lol
So this is all over the place but it proves one thing, like everything else it’s what you make it. Some young people are having a horrible time while some older folks are screwing like rabbits. Some folks with twins and a new born have robust sexual lives and some folks with no kids are having it once a month. Some folks relish the missionary while some folks can’t even get excited if it doesn’t include at least one costume, lol I guess the biggest thing to take away is that we are HUMAN, everything is not going to be all the time like you want it, but you do have the freedom to carve it out however you want to make it. It’s almost a self fulfilling prophecy – if you go into marriage thinking your sex life is over, then it will be, lol
So I guess I will conclude with – do you, pay attention, enjoy the lulls and don’t be afraid to mix it up, you and your mate come first the kids will be fine, speak and listen to one another and realize that like everything else it’s a work in progress.