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There Is A Difference (Married Life)




On the eve of my fourth anniversary, I like to take a moment and try to figure out have I learned anything about relating to a man, or relationships, or marriage or anything for that matter, lol I think the biggest thing that has come to my attention is something that (I can’t seem to stay focused on the right words today) a lot of women (and men) spend time thinking about. Yes there is a difference being married. I have been married one time for almost 10 years, been single for just about that long and now married again for 4 years. Somewhere in there I’ve been in 1 live in and 1 long term committed and a few serious dating situations. I didn’t quite feel a certain kind of way the first time I was married. I felt young, if you wanna know the truth and at some point I ended up feeling trapped and regretful. YET there was this ‘society’ that existed where you feel a part of this situation that folks were trying to get to. As I made my way closer to being marriage material the second time around, I began to hang out with married folks and that’s when I kinda noticed whatever that ‘difference’ is because those of us that were dating, didn’t ‘get it’ and even those of us who were in serious relationships just always seemed to I guess have this ‘out’ of sorts. I would long to be a part of the ‘society’ again but in a different capacity. The second I got married it was like a huge gate opened and said ‘welcome’ I was soo excited. but didn’t notice or know really what the big deal was. Let me tell you, though I can’t and probably most married folks cannot put verbalize or put their finger on what the difference is, there is one. The behaviors, attitudes, activities,

One of the first things I noticed was that whole “Who is he to you” thing ELIMINATED!! I remember when I first started seeing my husband one time I introduced him as my “male friend” he still teases me about that! Now he’s just my hubby/husband. He has a title that everyone knows and understands.

If you are in a room full of married folks everyone know’s their position lots of pressure taken off. You are not looked at crazy if you go and plop down in your man’s lap that’s your husband, no you are not trying to show off or whatever, he is specifically your husband and other married women know that this is what you can do.

Your circle of advice givers tightens considerably yet you keep a coveted position. Quite frankly if you are not married, you have not a lot of advice for married folks YET because I am married, I can dish it out all the time, lol

Basically everyone follows one of two tracks on why your significant other gets on your damn nerves. When you are sitting around single with your single friends there can be a dozen or so things that make you mad and the conversation can go on forever with no real depth. When you are married there are basically TWO TRACTS: Why your SO gets on your nerves – no kids involved, Why you SO gets on your nerves – kids involved. There you have it. The exact same conversation in a round table will come forth and you can comfortably get deeper and deeper into the mind set of the “married” SO because once you get married most of your other mindset dies, lol

Your married friends have to meet you and introduce themselves all over again. When you are single and hang with married folks you are THE SHIT cause you are out in the world meeting folks, going on dates etc. while they are married, yet you wanna be them so you see them as the perfect situation to be in. Once you get married – you meet the real them and it might not be all that rosey, and they meet the new you who might not be all that fabulous as they thought once you settle down this whole thing is better known as EVERYONE IS ACTING.

Married couples talk about each other probably worst than single folks rag on each other. Believe that – everyone thinks they got the relationship that works, so if you are doing something that works for you but they can’t figure out – you are getting talked about..

There are ROLES in the married world. Get over it! If a whole heap of married folks are around and someone says dinner. The WOMEN get up to feed the kids and get a plate for their husbands and if you have a relationship where ya’ll don’t do that you will feel the pressure to do it. The MEN get their second plate, usually you at minimum help them get the first one, lol Honey if it’s a multi-generational married group, you better RUN to get that man a plate, lol lol In most of the houses I am familiar with, the women do all or most of the domestic chores. The thing then becomes when does your man kick in? We get real excited to report Hubby so and so did the laundry, he cooked, his clothes mysteriously got up off the floor etc. No matter how much WE as women feel like we’ve evolved and we this this and that – most men miraclous come out of teenage hood convinced a woman’s job is to take care of him the home the kitchen the bedroom and the kids. The thing is even if women haven’t grown up with a father almost all of us have grown up with a mother and THAT’S what women do.

The universal call to action in the bedroom is the spoon hunch – unless you do something different. It can come at any time. I am always mystified at how that bad boy can just turn into a heat seeking missle. Another thing – you will just give up and lay there. The good sex will usually end up being something on TV. It’s ok, you will still get some good real sex – but a lot of the times, it will be a combo package, lol

You are not the only one who one day decides to put on mismatched socks, holey pants and your Al B Sure tshirt from 1984 when you weighed 105 pounds and were a 34A. So don’t be shocked when he breaks out his drawers from college and his net shirt when he thought he was gonna join Hammer on the road.

One set of family will bogart into the picture and suck up all the familial life. In my case it’s my family. I have to remind him and me that he has parents, siblings and others who might wanna whine about their drama, lol

You will run out of things to talk to one another about because you used up a lot of it trying to get to know one another prior to Marriage. Once you get married, you have to correct a couple of the lies you told and then ya’ll are on the same road with different stops – there will be moments of silence and you don’t worry about it or care.

and I guess my final one (cause I feel this was about to get really long, lol)

Eventually you prefer to hang out with other married people, cause they just…get it.

Now does this apply to everyone – no everybody and their circle of comrades do it differently, there probably isn’t any wrong or right way to be married – it’s all a mental and eventually contractual agreement to be in agreement and connected for whatever reasons you’ve decided that’s what you need to do. However, having been married 13 or so hours shy of 4 years. I see a difference in the Animal, I see a difference. I am no longer single.

SCREECH:  We interrupt this blog to add one more thing!! Probably the most important

DON’T BELIEVE ALL THE HYPE ON FACEBOOK.  Including some of mine, lol lol  All the falling out, you are my world, let’s do a duet to love, you my man and I”m your woman – some of it is more to convince us than you, lol lol   


About Pamela

Lover of MJ, Mother of College Girl, Atlanta living participant of the bigger picture. Always ready for my closeup.

3 responses to “There Is A Difference (Married Life)

  1. Leogoddess36 ⋅

    Oh my goodness Pam. My heart sped up a bit reading this. I am constantly talking to married women grilling them about married life. Most of my married friends are on their second marriage while I’m going in for the first try (his second). I think this is to my advantage. Sometimes the non talking thing scares me but I have to put into consideration that we HAVE been together almost 4 years, he’s just getting off work and wants peace, we’re laptop to laptop and he loves that. I find myself telling stories that I realize later he’s already heard but he lets me anyway. This marriage thing is scary I’m not gonna lie. I find myself saying this IS forever after all a lot. I was wondering could you please go a little more in depth on “The universal call to action in the bedroom is the spoon hunch” maybe do a blog on the difference between married sex and single sex I would like to know what to expect. Love this Pam

  2. NikkiFree ⋅

    Did I tell you just how much I loooove your writing? Yeah, I think I did. :^)

  3. Sonya Coggins ⋅

    Happy Anniversary, my friend!

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