On the way into work, I caught a case of the giggles thinking back on a few nights ago when the hubby reenacted a dance sequence from Heatwave. It made me think back to when we first met and he picked up from listening to my voice mail message that I was mocking Big Red from the movie The Five Heartbeats. I took a quick aerial view over all of my previous relationships and have to agree that this relationship has had some of the best LAUGHTER in my whole life. When the two of us get together, we have the BEST TIMES!! Not little pockets of this but huge oceans of laughter and joy fill this relationship. I remember when we were first getting together, there were some questions about the ‘shallowness’ of our union in terms of we came together on so much pop culture be it music, art, television, movies etc. We could and can spend hours talking about these things and without any previous thought, he and I will latch on to something crazy and ride it off into the sunset.
What I so enjoy and like about this and what I have learned is that YOU define how your relationship should be and nobody can or should be allowed to sit in the audience and give a review. I have spent time in relationships that were so about the perception, even within it. We operated on whatever the latest way to be in a relationship was. We are suppose to be all adult and go to work, and cut the grass, and BBQ and go to functions with his hand placed just so in the small of my back. Those things are fine and dandy but what I have come to realize is that in my marriage we have LIFE. Real living, breathing, pulsating life. There is a connection between us that is electric and believe you me I have been the recipient of electricity in my life – but this is the real thing.
They say you are not suppose to compare relationships or think back on previous ones, but how are you to know what’s different and what works if you don’t read back over the notes you’ve taken? I find it fascinating when you get into a new relationship (in particular one that works for real) what was it that made the last one be “The One”. Where was your head at in relation to where it is now? What have you done differently with approaching the relationship etc. I can almost confirm there are a few Brothers out there that the name Pam leaves a bad taste in their mouths for whatever reason – I know this cause their are a few that leave a bad taste in mine, lol I think some times on Mo Betta and the illusion of perfection I really thought would have gone down in that relationship. On the other side – I think about what I’m involved in now and I see some serious cracks in that utopia. Im not saying I wouldn’t have possibly been happy or had fun, but I’m not seeing where we had laughter.
I have a friend who has been in my home at the early stages of our relationship and she is witness to what goes on in there. There are time when it’s stressful and times when it’s quiet, but there is something that is different in the spirit of my home from previously relationships. The air is ALIVE with so many levels of – sorry can’t think of another word right now – pure shenanigans and fuckery,lol lol It really sometimes feels like a bad sitcom on BET, lol lol lol We love it and I”m SURE a whole heap of folks really don’t get it but I don’t mind – you’re not suppose to. I’m sure some Ex’s of both of ours are looking on and wondering who are these two people because I certainly didn’t experience them. Well that’s the way it goes. You experience who you are at the time in that situation.
There’s something real cool about getting into a relationship later on in life. There’s this freeness of laying it all out there seeing where it lands. We talk about we should have been together XYZ time, but nah w e are together exactly when we are suppose to be together. Sometimes I think about if I had the chance to take this Pam and pair it with XYZ how would that work and then I shake that out of my head because the point is..it wouldn’t.
I have never really been one to subscribe to the notion of a soul mate. I find it a bit corny and limiting – YET that’s the attitude of someone who hasn’t experienced it. It’s like having doubts about God till He touches you and then you get it. I have gotten it. It came in the form of LAUGHTER.