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I Talk to Myself cause there is no one to talk to…

Good Morning! Well the title says it all. This is where I am this rainy morning in Georgia. Now bear with me because I go through this sometimes. I am in a space where I am feeling very alone. Not lonely, but alone. Cliche’ I know but sometimes it gets like that.

I try not to put alot of stock in the whole horoscope or even personality tests that are available out there, but it is what it is. I’m a Gemini and also a Yellow. This combo right here makes for one confused social cookie, lol Lately I’ve been feeling a bit bottled up about all the things I enjoy in my personal life. See I have all kinds of things that I do and I talk about on a daily basis, but there are some things that I just haven’t really connected with folk on. I feel that they entertain me cause it’s part of the package but it’s not really something they are looking forward to. So at certain points I just close up.

Lately I’ve been getting it out by blogging. I’ve started my THIRD blog and basically even on these I am spilling forth because I just can’t keep it inside any longer. So now I have this blog. A Blog for my MJ thoughts and a blog now for my Scrap Booking. Will I keep it up? Who knows but I need the outlet.

I’m just all jumbled up in my head right now. I have this manuscript all printed out and I intend to get it completed and ready by January 1st. It’s my December Project. There are sooo many things popping off in the world of MJ that’ I can’t even keep up – in my heart I don’t think anyone is really interested and I am a Super Fan so that complicates things, lol I am still very much excited about my scrapbooking, but I don’t really feel anyone is interested in that the way I am. Maybe I get too interested in things.

There’s this whole world that I live that is full and robust, but then there’s these back rooms that only I enter and sit in. If I could sit in front of ONE PERSON who’s eyes really light up when we talk about MJ, it would make my day – really. Someone who has memorbilia or enjoys looking at it. Someone who knows their way around Ebay and enjoys looking at that stuff. Hmm I will continue this line of thought over at the MJ site. This is looking like a cross pollination for all three blogs isn’t it?

Even (GASP) Facebook is making me feel some kinda way cause I really try hard not to overdo it over there just to be filling up space. I have these paranoid gemini attention whore thoughts that folks have Hid me and that folks think I’m not in my right mind about some things, lol Well at least I can keep it honest about that.

This will blow over and I will once again create my own happiness and joy within myself with the things that I enjoy BUT that social side of me sometimes needs MORE PEOPLE!!

So I think I’ll go and find me some 🙂

Post Script:  Please note that these feelings may be real or imaginary due to the escalated level of Estrogen coursing through my body at this moment. 


About Pamela

Lover of MJ, Mother of College Girl, Atlanta living participant of the bigger picture. Always ready for my closeup.

3 responses to “I Talk to Myself cause there is no one to talk to…

  1. Monica C.

    I hear you. I’m a Cancer, but I think we all have our self-doubts. I mentally scrutinize everything I write on FB, even comments or when I hit the Like button.

    Interestingly, I don’t always find IRL friends who share my interests. My thing is running – and I do have runner friends, which is cool, but I am way more into the reading articles/reading magazines/researching/posting on forums than they are. But that’s cool; I figure that’s what the Internet is for – finding other weirdoes who think just like me.

    Where I come up short (but even then I just kind of chalk it up) is having real friends to talk to – not about interests, but about life. Things like marriage and marital troubles, etc. As I get older, I find that I have very few true friends. But … it is all good. Sometimes I just go shout whatever it is out on Twitter – that’s where I’m a bit less self-conscious (but even there, I hold back. What I need is an anonymous Twitter account).

    Anyway, all that to say … I think you’ll be able to find people who share your passions. MJ and scrapbooking should be pretty easy – it’s not like you’re into wearing adult diapers and rubbing yourself all over with balloons or something crazy like that. ROFL!

  2. magnegro

    Ok first let me LOL at that last paragraph, lol I actually would find people interested in that before I find what I need.

    It’s not that I don’t have friends – we are thick as thieves – it’s about that set of people who are associates to mingle and talk about passions with.

    I don’t think I’m really describing it and I really don’t want anyone to think my friends are not supportive and interested in my going on’s. There is still just something missing.

  3. Sandstone

    All I can say is that I know exactly how you feel. Maybe it is the Gemini in us, but I go through these phases too, sometimes more than I want to. That is one of the reasons that I also have 3 blogs. The third one is more a dear journal, where I can just put all my feelings out there without any feedback from anyone because it is private and not even listed.

    And another thing that I realized is that besides my sisters and cousins, I really dont have a best friend since my other one made her transition from this life about 2 years ago. And naturally we all differ in our interest, except for traveling.

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