This conversation is about to be real on like level 100. I’m sure some folks are gonna develop feelings, some folks may shiver with the anticipation of a run and tell dat moment and some folks may get offended by my candor according to me. What I hope is that someone can take something away from this.
Never before had my heart beat so fast. I didn’t know what to expect and for some reason, I kept getting these ‘it’s associated to sex’ feeling and I wasn’t sure I was ready for that.
Then the power point started and I have to say the next thing on my mind was that it was a damn good presentation. The technical part, she was better than me, lol It took me through a life of feelings, emotions, drama and confusion and ended up with an announcement, the beginning of a journey and the start of change.
My child had announced that she was changing her religion or more accurately she was adopting one.
Religion has, since I became an adult, a space and place that I have had trouble figuring out for myself. In running and shunning pomp and circumstance – I ran from the entire thing. I haven’t been able to get back on top of some form of ‘organized religion’ and thus I have not been able to effectively give my daughter any kind of tangible foundation. Add the fact that I haven’t seen how it has separated or made me or my family any different from all the people it was suppose to and in a lot of instances we act and behave individually and collectively worse than a lot of folks I know – I just kinda decided that I had to leave ritual alone. Surprisingly just yesterday a friend of mine posted on Facebook something that summed it up for me and it came right on time.
Religion is obedience without relationship. Don’t get caught up in empty rituals, rules and repititions. Get a relationship with God and your lifestyle will line up. – friend on FB
I wanted to have a relationship with God, not be able to recite or march or other things that showed religion but not…faith. I sought out peace of mind and it came in a couple of forms including my birth religion, a song or two or some words of wisdom. It did and does offer me a lot of peace, BUT some people need routine, need a stronger anchor. I believe everyone has a Michael Jackson in their family (the sensitive one) and thus I believe some people need more than others.
I had this rush of emotions as my child, the only one I have – spilled out with animation her pain and frustration with probably the only main failure I’ve had with being a parent. We (her step father and I) listened intently and only had one hiccup in the road, which revolved around a notion instilled by others that I would somehow renounce, shun and put her out and people going behind my back to facilitate her journey instead of encouraging her to approach her parents. One day I will address that, as soon as I get pass it beginning with fuck you – so it might be awhile. Ok, back to the subject. …
My child has decided to follow Sunni Islam. (like Christians – there are different sects of the religion). As a matter of fact she had been following it for about 88 days when she finally discovered that her parents are there for a reason and she needed to release – I’m glad she went with her heart. I’m glad and proud she, with a lot of fear of the unknown, came to us. I and (we) have done something right.
Something clicked to. All summer I had been complimenting her on this level of peace she’s exhibited all summer. Her world was turned a bit on it’s side with additions of folks and responsibility and she took it all in stride, her spirit was so beautiful – I knew innately there was something going on and now I knew what it was….FAITH and BELIEF.
So she came with print outs and literature and even an article about a woman who’s child chose the religion and how it impacted her. She’s her mothers child, lol lol
We all hugged, I outlined for her the fact that as her Mother, part of that job description was to ‘take the bullet’ on her behalf, so I had signed up for that when I announced I was pregnant and would continue that as long as it was not destructive. I spoke about respect and I spoke about courage, belief and faith and we all had a much needed group hug and went about our merry way. Well after she told us she was about to go on Ramadan. She printed out the calendar and put it on the fridge for our benefit and THEN we went about our merry way…….
However, it hasn’t been so merry for me. A flood of emotions, doubt, and fear has surfaced and this has been an interesting ride. Part 2 of this will let you in on it all. PLEASE TUNE IN TOMMORROW.