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Mind if I ‘talk’ Your Eyes Off

My arms have been aching since yesterday, that’s nothing but tension. I will be totally relaxing this weekend!!

I had been wondering if there was something deeper to this whole switch to Natural hair that alot of sisters are embarking on and I’ve come to the conclusion that no, it’s just something to do which makes me think – then what’s wrong with getting a relaxer, that’s something to do for alot of Sisters as well. We’ve assigned all this ‘stuff’ to wearing our hair natural just like we do to doing other things when in reality it’s just a choice.

This weekend is Michael Jacksons 52nd Birthday! I am prepped and ready to spend some time in honor of him.

I’m feeling some kinda way – maybe ’embarassment’ about my current financial situation for myself. Alot of my monetary activities revolved around the small important things, gifts for folks, tinkering on the internet for little things that make me or my loved ones smile. I’m having to cut that stuff back and/or out and I got feelings about it.

It’s quite amusing to me how the Blackman is so in love with his genitalia. It is so obvious that he must be the Father of us all because Lawd knows he wants to showcase from wence we came, lol lol

I wonder when I’m going to really get over the way that man ruined it all.

My Sister in Law unfriended me, lol lol I don’t even know her and only have seen her at my wedding – oh well, lol

I can no longer effectively articulate a method, reason or solution to the current State of my dealings with my family. There are too many variables, I can’t imagine if I just chose to ignore, I’d be in the loony bin for sure, lol I trudge on – trying to stay afloat, trying to figure out how to repair, how to introduce, how to make motion. I think I will write out each group, name issue etc. and acknowledge my faults in the situation and see where it stands and move from there. Some stuff is gonna just be the way it is – but some stuff, I need to make some changes.

I am sooo excited about the return of the Black Man to network TV. Blair Underwood, Boris Kudjo, Terrance Howard, Lawrence Fishburne, LL Cool J and others are giving us MAJOR fever come this fall. This is one of my favorite times of the year – mapping out my Fall/Winter TV schedule.

As long as when I say her name – faces light up and smiles erupt, I’m happy

I am slowly killing myself and don’t know how to stop, I am afraid.

I feel like all of my teeth are falling out. That’s cute

I don’t know what it is, if it’s freedom or what, but my husband is looking DAMN good to me right about now!!

In that place where you try not to ever go, I’m beginning to prepare for life without my….Mother.

I tried to tell you his slick ass was getting full of himself. I’m STILL recovering and so is my daughter from that two weeks. Let me kick his ass..please

I vow to not sit around when my child gets grown and compare notes on what a failure our children are with other parents in my social circle. What a waste of space and an arrogrance to my supposed superiority as a person and parent.

I could have sworn I saw my daughter in full Muslim Garb the other day, but as per usual, I was half sleep, lol I need to ask her about that.

It’s interesting that now that she’s found her path to God – she’s at peace and that I’m also at peace running around in a big field checking in when need be.

How do I know whether or not your atmosphere is in a place of peace, if I can go to sleep. If I feel free enough to fall asleep in your presence then you are in a space I enjoy. I fall the fuck out at Alicia’s and Ty’s, lol lol lol

Glad I woke up last night to catch House Hunters International, I needed to know how we could secure a summer home in the Turks and Caicos and now I know, lol lol

The level of my motivation is that I will continue to dream the Negro dream of heaven – winning the lottery.

I am TERRIFIED concerning college and it’s costs for my Child – but not ASHAMED if we have to take a Community College or other method to get her started. She has alot to offer .

I would be overjoyed if one day I got a handwritten letter in the mail from a friend. I think I will surprise someone with just that and see if they are just as excited.

You ever just let your closest friends know what they mean to you? It’s funny how I’ve had alot of folks in and out of my life and I’ve been an ass and looked at the full scope of other folks ass, but I am finally moving around in the circle I’d like to be in.

Sometimes I just shake my head at how excited I get when Homecoming from a place I haven’t been to on a regular basis since 1984 is announced!!

I can’t describe exactly how it feels when my husband and I hug one another – it’s indescrible.

It’s it funny and a damn joke on us all, how you can feel such intense feelings for people – who aren’t even ultimately meant for you.

I still wish I had a cute panty/tshirt set with Michael Jackson on it. I am still looking for it.

I am SOO waiting for this weekend!! Ya’ll be easy!




About Pamela

Lover of MJ, Mother of College Girl, Atlanta living participant of the bigger picture. Always ready for my closeup.

2 responses to “Mind if I ‘talk’ Your Eyes Off

  1. Hi Pam, saw you posted this on twitter today, so thought I’d check it out. This is deep! I love that you use this page to vent and talk about your joy and fear in your life. It made me laugh when you wrote about your sis-inlaw defriended you since my bro-inlaw did the same to me. I also love House Hunter International dreaming that one day I could afford a summer home somewhere exotic! Thanks for sharing your feelings and have a relaxing weekend!

  2. NikkFree ⋅

    MJ this weekend. Sounds good. If I ever run across those MJ pajamas I will give you a shout out.

    I love homecoming too!!! We will rule the Dome again!!

    It does feel strange to have strong feelings for someone who you eventually realize is just not meant for you. I think it’s just that it means that person has a special place in your heart even though you know the two of you can never be. It “frees you” to love the one who IS meant for you.

    Your mom…don’t go there unless you know you absolutely have to. You and I can always talk if you want to bend my ear. I have experience in this area unfortunately.

    Sounds like it’s your sister-in-law’s loss.

    Things are rough all over. I’m pinching pennies myself. Like you said, gotta strategically dish out the party money.

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