As we go about our lives and are dating etc. We encounter all types of people, all forms of relationships some good and some bad. We all, I think, eventually run into the situation where it is just fucked up! I mean you go through it.
It is common rhetoric that we are suppose to suck it up, move on, don’t overanalyze it and if we do – then we are hanging on, still in love and other things to make us feel bad about something as simple as YOU REALLY TOOK ME THROUGH IT AND YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT AN APOLOGY.
Well you know what? Fuck all that. I think we all have that person that if we ran into them or had the opportunity they owe us an apology and more importantly you want it. Not because you got issues, or you can’t move on but because folks need to stop stomping on people like that. How we go from being attracted to the shit you pulled on me.
I don’t even thing it’s about such situations as cheating, etc. it’s when there’s a personal assault on my emotional wellbeing. Katt Williams says you should get your own self esteem that’s why it’s called self esteem. Well we do – but when you come along and decide that you have the right to mess that up for me – then yea you owe me an apology and I want it and I’ll wait.
I am happily married, I love my husband, I dig my husband, I like my husband, we got a good thing despite some life bumps HOWEVER, I also have a negro that owes me an apology. I don’t dwell on it or spend any time on it like that (I am now because I’m writing this) but yea that nigga owes me an apology!
For those that know me, they know that I had a long distance situation/relationship with this Brother. I met him on line but that’s nothing new and we just hit it off. I mean really hit it off. We were in and out of a relationship for about 4 years. I was zoned on this man. However, things fell apart as I grew in my maturity and time/distance and lies began to saturate the relationship.
The friendship however, remained strong for years afterwards. He definitely, at the time, was my muse. I could talk to him about everything and he could talk to me about everything. It was an adjustment at first to dissolve the romance from the friendship, but we did it and I thought I had a very unique and wonderful situation.
As I met and fell in love with my husband, I kept him informed, I informed my then boyfriend that I had a male friend and that we were close and that I wasn’t prepared to give him up as my friend. We worked all that out – it was cool. I couldn’t believe and I guess I shouldn’t have.
I don’t know if I’ve ever told the real whole story about what happen and folks who read the old blogs etc. this might be some crazy talk but years have passed and I can speak on it.
I was close to being married or new married or something, when I got a phone call one night from a woman. She indicated that she was my friends WIFE and she wanted us to stop communicating. Now we only communicated via email – had no reason to call each other and it was always above board. No flirting, no sexual talk, nothing – I was IN SHO NUFF LOVE and I respected that and he did too. Well honey, I called her back cause I was like um no, not the one.
We spoke she was cool and I learned they had been married for at least a couple of years. The woman who he said he had met and was falling for was ALREADY HIS WIFE. I had pictures (yea) we spoke ‘openly’ because I was with someone and I was happy that he was with someone. I was FLOORED! He even got married in the same State I got married in so I looked it up and there it was.
After we talked and I assured her that I didn’t want her man, I was not aware and that I was happily married – my part was over because now it was up to him to step to his ‘wife’ and explain our friendship and be adult about it – like I had with my man so we could get on back to living.
Then I started getting email’s from her – she was in his email – sending me emails that we had exchanged asking for clarification. I inquired as to what was the issue – you can read! All the emails she sent were very general – we were talking about music, politics, movies, relationships of other people (we gossiped alot, lol) FRIEND STUFF. I told her it was time for her to address her man and told her not to contact me again.
My next step was to pick up the phone myself and call HIM. He didn’t answer but I wanted to know, why did he find it necessary to lie to me for all this time, and why hadn’t he spoken to his wife.
I got another phone call from her, with her saying they had finally discussed our relationship and that he had told her that, “We were not friends, we had dated years ago, I had never gotten over it and that he didn’t want me anyway because now I was big and fat” . I WAS DEVASATED!! He threw me under the bus.
Now all this time – I had kept my man totally, openly informed about this situation. He was livid! By the time the big and fat comment (which by the way, on the real, I was at a good weight at that time, ya’ll seen me recently I’m looking ok and even if I was big and fat he wasn’t complaining when we were together AT ALL) So anyhoo – by the time the big and fat comment came – my man wanted to kick his ass.
I was just through and in alot of inner turmoil. FINALLY, one day I got a message was on my phone – it was HIM and in the most rehearsed, crazy voicemail He told me in a monotone voice “I will no longer be your friend, I will no longer dream about you (huh), I love my wife, I want my wife, (background tell her that again), I love my wife, whatever friendship we had is over, I love my wife” FLOORED!! DO YOU HEAR ME?!
I still have that voicemail, it has become my husbands number one opportunity to joke. He has ripped that man a new one several times on his punk ass way he handled the situation. My husband will be sitting with me and just turn to me and say “I Love My Wife” and we crack up laughing.
Privately, however, I’ve struggled with the way that whole thing went down – I don’t open up alot like that on the friendship tip – so for him to do that and it all to be some kinda alternate universe lie – really fucked my head up.
So YEA THIS NIGGA OWES ME AN APOLOGY – I can understand you having to do what you have to do to maintain a relationship, you claim you want (but wouldn’t claim in the public) but THAT SHIT WAS FOUL!!!!
Next post – reconciling that shit in my head has taken…years.