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1095 Day check in

(ok so sue me it’s been a few days longer, lol)

Wow I have just celebrated my 3rd year anniversary!! Praise God from Whom All Blessing Flow!  Swapping over from being unmarried for 12 1/2 years to being married and then be in my late 30’s can be an adjustment and so I like to check in and let the world know my thoughts on relationships and marriage.

At this point in the game I feel like there is no turning back.  I am in it to win it.  We have hit the honeymoon has worn off stage. This last year pretty much proved that you get about 2 years of that shit and then it’s about not just being married but working on being married.  I can admit that all my ‘get that man’ stuff has leveled out and I’m hovering between that and the ‘keep my man’ playbook.  I have it open, I have things marked and it’s slowly being put into play.

What I have found is that book is alot more mental than physical.  The ‘get a man book’ is wayy more physical cause you gotta damn PERFORM you hear me. The next phase is like adulthood – longer, more intense and much more intellectuality based.  It’s about us feeding each other the necessary nutrients to keep going.  Let me tell you while you all up in the honeymoon phase you better be taking notes on what makes your mate tick.  Cause that will kick in soon.

The first part and the reason you even marry someone is because they make you tick, lol  but at some point you have to figure out what makes them tick – that’s what the relationship is all about the exchanging of things to fulfill that person. 

You also slowly go back to maintaining those things that you know make you tick.  If you didn’t have any – you better get a hobby, lol  Ya’ll know how up under each other me and the man were – well he dropped me like a sack of potatoes and I’ve had to nurse my sore ass and then get back to the business of living, lol  By the same token I’ve kicked his ass off my tit as well. 

What has been interesting to me is the feeling.  It feels so different that I’ve had to really ask myself what exactly was I feeling with the other dudes.  I think it was various forms of love practice. It’s like sometimes you are in relationships to experience in the most selfish of ways if you get what I’m saying, I wanna feel this and I wanna experience that and I wanna get my nut, etc.  This right here that I have now is all about what I get back because I gave.

Another thing I’ve discovered is that a good way to see if you love is to see how you react when your mate reacts to something that leaves you embarassed.  I will tell this story. I tried to do this ‘dance’ for an ex and he burst out laughing and made fun of me.  I was DEVASATED!!  It fucked my head up that he couldn’t see past the fact everybody and their momma knows I can’t dance, etc.  I did the same thing for the hubby and his reaction was about his poor wife and her no dancing ass trying to work it out – it caused me to laugh as well and that SAFETY right there to be YOURSELF was the humdinger!

Keeping it real -at 1095 the sex life is in the CRAPPER!  This is where the LOVE LIFE has to kick in. By this time – we got kids, issues, no money, our other interests have came back into play and a whole heap of things – so if you looking for the rabbit thing – you might wanna get out now, lol  If you are looking for the intrinsic beauty and comfort in knowing that you can FINALLY stop screwing as if it’s your last screw cause they gonna be there, then here you go.  If I miss a couple of weeks, I’m cool cause he laying right there next to me, lol 

So 1095 days in…I like it and I’m happy.  Am I satisfied?  NOPE, because I want to do things and go places and experience more with him – I really feel like if I could shrink and just hang out around his left nut all day I’d be quite pleased. 

It’s VERY HARD loving a Blackman – but don’t stop yourself from loving because of the obstacles. There are great joys awaiting you when you do love and even more when he loves you back.

The other day I was sitting and my heart just started pitter pattering and doing all kinds of flip flops etc. and I knew that was me falling in love with my man all over again – it happens on a fairly regular basis and the beauty of it is that I know somewhere his heart does the exact same thing 🙂


About Pamela

Lover of MJ, Mother of College Girl, Atlanta living participant of the bigger picture. Always ready for my closeup.

4 responses to “1095 Day check in

  1. Thank you very much for this post. A good read indeed.

  2. Thank you very much for this post. A good read indeed.

  3. Danita ⋅

    awwwwwww..that was wonderfully beautiful and transparent! i can take a lot more from that than this spiritual, holier than thou crap discussion that was going on with some FB friends this week!

    thanks for sharing!

  4. NikkiFree ⋅

    Wow! That’s deep. I really like what you said abt it being soooo hard to love a Black man. Why do they make it so hard? You can’t blame everything on society. Like you said though, if you loves you back (in more than just words) it’s a wonderful thang.

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