Family Feud!

 

I’ve been on many a talk show during the 90′s living in New York, Donahue, Sally Jessie, Geraldo etc. but I hadn’t had the opportunity to be on a game show until now. Well ok, not actually ON the game show but in the audience. Family Feud actually tapes right here in Atlanta. I can’t exactly remember how I got on their mailing list, but I am and I get tickets all the time to various game shows but most of them are in California, so when these came up a year ago, I took them and we went down and didn’t make the cut to be on screen. No biggie, but when they came around for this year and I saw that one of the dates available was my birthday I snagged them right up. That would be super fun!

We (My daughter and I) decided to get down there a bit earlier than we did before to have a better chance. We got right into the building to wait in the inside line, we were getting crunk that we might actually get on the show this time. From this point on, it’s best if I bullet point my thoughts out….

You can’t bring any bag bigger than the ticket (a regular sheet of paper). Still not sure why you needed your traveling purse for this show and it was a good opportunity to teach CG about packing light

You also couldn’t bring your cell phone, it has to stay in the car or be checked in at the door. I started getting the shakes after about 30 minutes not because I wasn’t on Facebook etc. but because I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT DAMN TIME IT WAS?! Mental note to get a pocket watch to keep in my purse, lol

The waiting room was freezing and I knew I should have brought my jacket.

The conversation by the elderly black people behind me concerning all the pieces of the pig they had eaten in their lives and not died from was giving me so much grief. When Bro. said he loved pigs ears but could only eat them drunk, I was D-O-N-E. From the rooter to the tooter was live in living color.

Some kinda way we got in the second row – GREAT seats!

The stage was so bright and electronic, looks actually better than it does on TV, lol

We had a short class at the beginning to teach us how to clap and smile and be disappointed. I really want to do those moves in the next all staff meeting we have.

I was so proud when we were doing the warm ups to classic Motown CG knew all the words to every song! Get yo Tammi and Marvin on girl!!! She said she ‘got it from her momma’

Though Steve is not really my ‘type’ of man, he’s not unattractive in real life.

He’s actually a good height

There is dressed, there is impeccably dressed and then there’s Steve. The man’s clothes and shoes came from virgin, baby, hand spun, hand sewed, fabrics and skins.

I’m not sure I could get used to having someone who’s specific job is to wipe my water bottle, let me take a sip and then take it back. CG said she could, lol

Steve was quite funny. I have detected that he is the kind of person who observes and can be quick witted. I haven’t necessarily liked all his comedy but he does make that show funny.

I KNOW they told us NOT to talk at all, we were right by a live mike lady!!!

The warm up music had two Michael Jackson songs – HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

The whole section of pork totality eaters were in the middle second row and were NOT a lively bunch..must have had cramps from the pickled pigs feet……

Steve kept staring at CG. Yea I know, she gets that, lol lol

Sure there hasn’t been a hijabi that close to the stage before, lol

He curses ALOT!!

Yes he laughed when I said, “still working on that being saved eh?” Aloud

He doesn’t wear a lot of make up.

His Make Up artist dude…does

I know a family who won the big money so it’s not rigged.

These really are real families

Sometimes the questions either don’t make sense or no one can get an answer on the board. They throw those out.

Steve doesn’t leave the stage during ‘commercial breaks’ he stays and talks to you. That’s a nice gesture.

He’s really a mans man and didn’t want all that fretting over him. I liked the way he carried himself.

Now they can’t tell you when your show is going to air but I have at least two reasons why ours might not:

• The black family of female cousins came dressed like they were going to the club!!! What the hell do you have on!? Not sure at least two of those outifts will make the cut BUT Steve loved them and from my vantage point ‘favored’ them.
• The woman in front of me kept running her mouth, if any of that was picked up on the Mike they can’t use the episode

The best part of the whole thing? One day you will look up and your child will start to have their own life and they have to go live that life and you might move from the center of the stage off to the left. Spending the day with College Girl laughing, talking, dreaming and chilling with no drama was GREAT!!!!!! A perfect way to spend my birthday!

17,155 Days

 

 

 

 

June 4, 2013

17,155 that how many days God has blessed me to be alive!!  That’s 47 years I’ve been on this earth weaving the fabric of my life.

I had a beautiful day. I woke up with the resolve to set it aside and just be in the moment with no background noise and that’s just what I did.

Facebook sure can make you feel special!!  Over 80 declarations of Happy Birthday! All kinds of love!!  I am so appreciative and I will hold these sentiments close to my heart and pick at them over the next 365 when I need them!

I’ve had lunch with my bestie, connected with a person off of Facebook, talked at length with my Sister and Dad, used gift cards and broke bread with my family.  

I wanted to think all deep about my birthday and lay out all kinds of emotionally reverent conversation, but I then said Nope!  It’s really not that serious.  I spend so much time being serious and thinking serious and contemplating, analyzing, reconciling etc. that I have to schedule times to just not give a fuck and like I said above, just walk in the moment without all the extra!!  

There is room in your life to just twirl and not hit anything.  I totally am clearing the field to run unhindered in it.  

Today was my birthday, I have been alive 17,155 days God!!  For that I thank you!!  For that I THANK YOU!! 

 

Moments

June 3, 2013

That moment when shame is clearly connected to manipulation and you have an ah-ha moment for yourself

The moment you start liking your reflection in the mirror of the world

A moment of clarity

Moments in the dark giggling with the one you love

The moment past when you usually would quit

The fleeting moment you see him looking at you like that very first time

The break in the song moments in love

The moment the good outweighs the bad

That moment when memories become clear and vibrant

The moment when Michael Jackson’s voice confirms the presence of God

The moment I said I Do

The moment I called a spade a spade

The moment I didn’t burst into flames like they said I would

A moment where it all lines up perfectly

Some moments that are better than others

Lots of moments of clarity in the midst of chaos

The moments you have to push through

The moment the air conditioner comes on in the car on a hot ass day

The moment you realize you don’t pull a crowd like you used to

The moment you finally get it

The moment you realize adults bully too, it might be slicker and it might be covert but they do

That moment you wanna turn in your card

The moment I held her in my arms

The moment I pranced around naked feeling beautiful in front of a man

The moment I pranced around naked feeling beautiful in front of….ME

The moment you had to actually BE an adult

The moment when you first feel the ‘comfort of a man’

The moment when you first feel the comfort…of…GOD

The moment as a woman you learn to love another woman you are not related to.

The moment you can comfortably say “I am”

The moment you recognize your parents

The moment you recognize your parents in you

The moment you start working on that

All the moments that make up the moments in the fabric of  your life

Personal June Blog Challenge

Howdy Howdy Howdy!  Can you believe it’s June 1st?!  I sure can’t. time is flying by on some other kinda level.  I have been meaning to write, but quite frankly it takes discipline to schedule time to write and that is something I’ve been lacking.

So for the month of June, I want to blog every day even if it’s a wordless Wednesday or a one sentence Tuesday, lol  I actually have some drafts that I need to post.  Tsk Tsk Tsk.

So let’s get it started!

I’ve Run Off With My Lover

I held on tightly as I peeked out the corner of my eye at him. He was so freaking fine!!  I mean damn!  I smiled internally and kept it pushing, but I couldn’t get him out of my mind.  I didn’t think I could be affected like this anymore.

We had been together for years.  It was a good relationship.  It was a solid relationship.  We blended quite well. Them the sturdier more solid partner, me the flighty vibrant one.  Folks would see us together and I could feel the little bit of envy.  Not to mention, you talking about a work horse, took care of me through thick and thin, night and day.  I was happy.  I was settled.

Then I ran into him again at the store. Next thing I know, we have connected.  Touching him sent tingles throughout my body, eyes so bright, quick on the trigger and so fit and firm.  Turned me on, but I couldn’t….could I?

The affair started quite innocently, touch here and there, a bit of time alone where we got a bit more physical.  Things were getting out of hand and I didn’t know how to stop.  I loved who I was with.  They understood me and took the time to make things better.  They stayed on the upgrade.  Why would I, at this age and stage of the game – decide to take the wild and free route?  What kind of example was I setting for my daughter? It wasn’t broke – so exactly what was I fixing?

Funny about these 40’s, they have been more eye opening than my 20’s ever were.  I have been on a roller coaster of feelings, activities, life cycles, and then some.  I feel the need to burst out – to just whirl around out here in the world in full color, more magnificent and sharp than I’ve ever felt.  Being ‘safe’ is not where I want to be right now – I want to be on the back of a motorcycle with a fly leather jacket, or riding a horse along the beach in a white see through dress, or wrapped in a custom Michael Jackson silk scarf driving along the ocean in a convertible. 

As I rounded the corner, looking for paper towels, there you were. I had told you we couldn’t see each other again – I just couldn’t….leave…like….that, yet you were following me.  You came behind me and ran a smooth part down the back of my neck.  My entire body tingled.  Your eyes were so clear, I could see you looking at my soul.  Then and there I knew, there would be no silent dinners with you.  There would be no missionary position with two pumps and we’re done.  I saw us smoking a doobie, naked on the couch with a bottle of Boones Farm and a Rick ross Video – I was so incredibly turned on – I didn’t even feel myself telling him that I needed to leave – I needed to go and explore what this other had to offer me.  I would come and get my things later – because if I didn’t get this feeling taken care of, I would explode!!!!

The love we made was incredible!!  It was so powerful you went dead immediately.  Soon we worked out a pattern and now we can go all day and night.  You rock the leather outfit on a daily, I like the way you carry pictures of me around and call me your ‘chick’.  We can’t keep our hands off each other.  My friends feel some kinda way because I walked away from all that I had known about security, but I don’t care because right now – THIS IS WHERE I WANT TO BE!!  I AM ALIVE!  I AM A WOMAN! And I LEFT…

 

MY IPHONE

 

 

 

 

 

 

FOR

 

 

THE

 

 

HTC ONE X

 

 

Change of Scenery

It’s always interesting to me when someone comes here where they end up.  When I arrived, I ended up in Clarkston. Since I’ve been here, I’ve narrowed down a few neighborhoods I feel comfortable staying in and I’ve just never left.  The thing about this city is that everywhere you live is all inclusive. There’s really no need or reason for you to come out of your ‘neck of the woods’. I have basically chosen the South Dekalb area as my stomping ground.  I feel comfortable moving around in that area and it has everything I’ve ever needed and more.  If I want something else, I just hop in my car – access two or three highways and countless roads and I get it.  I have spent all day alone in So. Dekalb just driving around doing Pam. That means a lot to me.

After a couple of heavy hitter income adjustments to the negative (SIGH), to live swanky is costing us too much, so alas, it is time to move. I’ve never been one to want to front in that area and being apartment poor is NO JOKE!!  What is the use of hanging in such a hip space if all you can do is sit at home….so we decided it was time to seek out other housing.

Now yes we wanted to stay in our area and in the long view, once we get College Girl full out on her own and can go down to a one bedroom, we probably will  – we are City dwellers, but for now, we need a two bedroom and they were just cost prohibitive.

The rental market is robust!  I mean there are houses EVERYWHERE, but this can also mean there are scams galore.  It also means that folks are just throwing paint on shacks and saying they are for rent. Yet, this is a time where you can actually have ‘wants’ in addition to needs.  I just knew the ‘type’ of abode I wanted was waiting out there for me.

My number one request was H-O-U-S-E!  I was OVER apartment living!  It was cool, but I wanted some grass, I wanted a tree and more importantly I wanted to BBQ!!!!  I also decided I wanted hardwood floors because carpet and I had fallen out!!  Trumping all of these however was ‘I NEEDED TO BE ABLE TO TALK NO THE DAMN PHONE”!!!  For years now, I have been in a dungeon and phone service was available probably 10% of the time. My dream was an open field, but wasn’t sure that was going to happen, lol. Size etc. didn’t matter – my initial thought was a bunglow basically an apt on the ground.

Fast forward to last week, it was now time.  I had my eye on two properties and was determined to go check them out. When they told me I could just go and look because there were lock boxes.  I ran up out of my job.  Thank God for extended light.  All of a sudden I was in the running to get a bigger house than my Apt. for cheaper.  I couldn’t believe it.  The first house was cool, but configured funny and the laundry room was outside the house in a room off the carport.  You know I wasn’t going to be doing any of that, lol Then we arrived at the second house.  Such a familiar neighborhood – smack dab (almost equal distance) between the first house I lived in and raised College Girl in and the first house we all officially lived in as a family. I already felt right at home. 

The second I opened the door, I knew I was home.  My shoes tapped on the hardwood floors and as I looked around, there were hardwoods everywhere. Not one stitch of carpet!  The open floor plan led to the kitchen and I actually gasped as I looked at the granite countertops and all new appliances.  Like plastic on them appliances!  This ranch was making me do a wall slide for real!!  Nice bathroom, three bedrooms rounded out the end of the semi-long hall.  Now, I had a hitch in my step because I wasn’t looking forward to being sandwiched between two young adults, but something kept telling me to keep looking around.  I read the spec sheet again and it said two bathrooms. I looked around and couldn’t figure out where the other bathroom was.  My girlfriend opened a door off the living room and we found a quite spacious laundry room.  Then we opened the ‘closet’ and I did audibly scream – there was a master bedroom and on suite bath!!  A bath that just had a shower!! (I haven’t sat in a tube I know in over 15 years, don’t need it).  This meant that basically they would have one end of the house and I would have another!!  THIS WAS MY HOUSE!!  Now we had an office space, we had hardwoods, we had house size appliances, we had yard space front and  back, decorative ceiling fans in every room, recessed lighting, granite counter tops and deep cherry wood new cabinets!

I called the hubsters, told him I’d found it and he was like move forward then.  Took the family over to check it out and they were impressed and we went ahead and moved forward to obtain it.

As I looked on the website this morning and saw they had took it down, it became real (ok it more became real when I got the money order, lol) There are a few things we need to look into before moving date and I need to clean it up (I hope to get a coupon but I can do it, it’s not like I haven’t before.  Some Michael Jackson and a mop and it’s done) The biggest blessing it that it will shave $300 off of what we are currently kicking out AND we got a bit of extra space but not so much that the savings will be depleted by utilities. 

So it’s not an urban and swanky area that we live in now, but I LOVE the fact this little unassuming house is all swanked out on the inside.  I might just BBQ throughout the winter!!  I am going to bring parties back into my life!! I’m going to binge out on Croaker and Oxtails!!  I’ll actually make the last Wednesday of the Month ½ off sale at Value Village!! I’m directly on the Highway to my besties!!  I’m close enough to partake of my old Neighborhood (cause I’mma miss the Target Greatland)!!

Though packing us up and physically transporting that crap from one location to the other is a beast!  I am excited about moving!!  We can’t wait to do the Tom Cruise on the Hardwood Floors in our drawers!!

 

Dumpster Diving for…..Boxes

 

I’m a nomad of sorts.  I tend to get tired of living in one place and feel the need to move on to someplace new.  That was instilled in me as a child.  I would come home and we would have just…moved.  Even if it was just around the corner, lol  I’ve also lived in NY, Philadelphia, New Jersey, Mexico, Costa Rica, Panama and lots of other places in that part of the world – sometimes for just a couple of weeks.

I moved back to Atlanta around 95 and I actually didn’t do a lot of moving. We moved twice.  Then I met the Mister and we needed more space so we…moved.   Then it came time for HS and that wasn’t happening over there so we …..Moved.  A combo of wrong choice and the school being wack…we moved.  Stand still where we are now.  However, since meeting him six years ago we have moved 4 times!! 

The area we live in now is nice.  It is as close to metropolitan living as I’ve been since moving back. Way too many suburbs and family neighborhoods in this town.  However, at some point you are going to have to PAY for being up the street from bars, restaurants and Starbucks and so HERE WE GO AGAIN!!  With the damn near $200 increase in our rent (hear that – that’s management BUMPING THEIR HEADS) we are going to have to move.

One side of me doesn’t feel like it, but the other side of me is really looking forward to it.  I think we’ve worn out our welcome and I’m ready for some new spirit and some new space.  NONE of my husband’s sides wants to move, lol He LOVES where we live and what we have access to.  I do as well, but I’m poor enough already, I can’t be apt poor as well. Especially with this girl in college, and folks not wanting to get their gamble on – so who is to say she will even have the HOPE till 2016!!!  I gotta pull back.  I want a social life IN the neighborhood, but that’s not gonna happen is I also LIVE there.

I’ve always said that in some weird sorta way the economy dipping affected us all but there’s some kinda silver lining for folks who were broke to begin with – like for instance, the housing market has fucked hella people up BUT somebody like me – a renter – this is like a playground for property!  The other plus is that I am no longer bound to a school district (Yes Lawd) so I have this whole city as my oyster!! 

Now my best friends all live out past the Airport, Past the Equator, Past the moon (sigh) and there is pressure to move out that way and in a post lottery world I would because I’m not trying to work and stuff, BUT that’s not reality, so though it would make life easier – I will just have to continue to suck it up and make the drive because I can’t move way out there.  We work downtown and Lindbergh area.  Our couple social life is out this way. My few ‘we all don’t have any kid” friends live on the end I live; besides malls don’t equate metro to me. 

I am the type of woman who doesn’t mind being among my own people.  I thrive in the say So Dekalb community.  They know me and I know them.  I’m not really trying to learn any new Negroes.  I would prefer to stay where I know the fish, weave, Wal-Mart, oxtails, fruit stands, thrift stores and Popeye’s, or at least where I can get to them in a relative short amount of time. 

The Mister and College Girl have decided they have ‘outgrown’ the sights and sounds of the hood and are whining and crying about the places I am choosing to look.  Here’s my thing – when you met me I was over there doing just fine. Every home we’ve lived in I have chosen and it hasn’t been bad.  Pack yo shit and come the hell on!  I know times have changed for the worse in some areas, but I’m really not looking in bad areas.  Now on the flip side of that – yes I am willing to stay in a tighter abode (square feet wise) in a swanky neighborhood – my only caveat is: I don’t want to live in an apartment anymore.  I live in a DUNGEON!!  There is no sunlight and I can’t BBQ and I HATE the carpet!!  In this market I can get an entire house with like 3 bedrooms for 3-4 HUNDRED less than what I’m paying for my severe Vitamin D Deficiency.  So I’m looking for a house with hard wood floors, a 2/1 or 3/2.  I’ve seen plenty!!  I went into one the other day that was a 4/2 all hardwoods!!  $750/month!!!!!  I should go over there and squat, lol lol 

So – over the next week, the first phase will begin and that’s packing up College Girl.  We are breaking down her room and packing up for college as well as moving. Then I can begin to PURGE and just pack stuff and put it in that room as to not crowd the rest of the place.  Around the end of August we will begin looking for a new abode.

2 Tens and a Five

 I stared in the pantry accessing what I had and what I needed while bumping it up against how much money I had to spend.  During these times, at least for black folks, you go into survival mode.  Despite it all, we have been blessed with this ability to claw through to the sunshine in spite of.  Even when the most bougie of us won’t ever let it show that they know….they know, lol  There are many cycles in the life of the ‘working poor’ sometimes you don’t even claim the title, but right about now – that’s how I feel and my bank accounts are reflecting and confirming me to be as such.

So we were doing the James Evans – which is laying out your bills and putting the cash that you’ve snatched out the bank so no unexpected bull shit pops off on each bill.  It’s like a puzzle, will this amount fit with this amount.  How many duckets do I put here to keep this on, moving, in my possession.  You know how it can be sometimes.  Well lo and behold after the dust settled, I was looking at GASP TWENTY FIVE DOLLARS for groceries.  SIGH……

So I had to regroup and see what I could do.  The blessing was that I was not pantry/fridge  poor.  I had not run out of everything good and only looking at the stuff you don’t know why the hell you bought it in the first place, lol  Since I was only shopping for the week – I thought I could make this happen.

First thing when I get in this situation is I don’t think about what I would like to eat, I think about what I need to eat.  I basically eat the same things with some new stuff thrown in so as to not get bored. It’s summer though and the dog days of summer at that – so we basically are over the whole food thing to begin with.  I had to factor in all the food requirements in the household and then make some announcements to the fam that kinda went like “Um you and your food issues, requirements and dietary requests are at the bottom of my list – I’m going shopping I will take it all under advisement and you will eat. That’s all I got for yah right about now” 

Second, you really have to battle with trying to not eat ‘low on the hog’.  I have lost almost 20 pounds, when times get like this – all the things that will help you keep it off, start to go away and you want to be able to just make meals that fill you up and unfortunately CARBS, FATS, SUGARS do a damn good job of that – but you don’t want to go out like that. 

Third, you need to eat out of your own stash for everything.  Need a snack – go in the kitchen, need lunch – go in the kitchen, need comfort food – go in the kitchen.

I also didn’t need any paper goods etc. Those will suck up your available funds like a mofo and THERE IS NO OPTION WHEN IT COMES TO PURCHASING TOILET TISSUE (unless you slick and can lift some off yo job -I’ll talk about THAT stuff in another post, lol)

Also let me just throw this in there – being poor or not having enough to feed your family is NOT a laughing matter and I KNOW I am blessed in many respects including having a job and I also know that at any given time – folks will see me out and about AS IF, after writing this post. Don’t think you know my wallet cause you see me out and about with a smile on my face faking it till I make it. It is a roller coaster and sometimes you are up and sometimes you are down.  I KNOW that until the behavior changes we will continue to be all over the place financial wise , this time around I think we got the message and as we push forward, we WILL do better – but today is today and on this day – this is where I’m at.

BACK TO MY STORY…….

I marched into that grocery store with my little list and giant calculator. I got that little bitty cart, less room to get off track.  I always start at the fresh produce aisle because that gives me an opportunity to try to do better with the top end of my money. However I had a list that I really couldn’t sway from so I basically just started there because I always do.  I had a few coupons, but I have problems with the whole system because I don’t like following the sale – who eats that stuff they always have coupons for?

As I moved around the store – I breathed in deep, I LOVE GROCERY SHOPPING. I can spend hours inside the store just looking, touching, smelling stuff. The entire concept of food offers comfort, but I don’t need to have a personal relationship with it for all kinds of reasons – so I just go visit it…often.

It sure didn’t take long this time around, lol  I whipped up through there and was in line in like 35 minutes.  I gave her my two coupons and my discount card and as always wished some kinda way someone’s EBT card would magically still be in the system and all my stuff would be charged to that. I’m agitated because what I did do was sacrifice all of my treats on behalf of my family.  Muscadines are out and unfortunately the way they are packaged, I couldn’t well you know ‘taste’ a few while I moved about the store. Let’s not even go into the fact my Red Guitar wine was killing me softly with it’s song as I passed by faking like I wasn’t even in bed with them smoking a cigarette just last week.

I watched the numbers add up and subtract and finally I had a total:  $24.30

Here’s what I bought:

Bag of French Fries – Carton of Fruit Punch – 2 can big beef raviolis – bag of navy beans – 2 lite fruit cocktails – dozen medium eggs – frozen gumbo veggie mix – head of lettuce – pack of drumsticks – small pack of wings – cream of chicken soup – 5 Powerades – 2 cans vegetarian vegetable soup – small bag of yellow rice – fish sticks

In addition to this I did use an additional $2 dollars for dollar store laundry detergent and dishwasher liquid. 

Some of what I intend on doing with the food:  Chicken and Rice, Chicken Stew, Navy Bean Soup, BBQ Chicken, all of these meals I have been bringing for lunch as well.  The fries, fish sticks and veggie soup is to supplement College Girl and her dietary requirements.  The Ravoli and powerades are for RG.

Using the other things we have in the house – I have successfully supplied the family with nourishment, great amount of veggies, little junk food and good hearty meals.

2300 Jackson Street

Rebbie, Jackie, Jermaine, Tito Latoya, Marlon, MIchael, Randy, and Janet – collectively known as the Jacksons – privately known as my ‘real’ family and now art sure is imitating life, lol lol  For the last nine or ten days, the Jacksons have been embroiled in what can only be called a webisode reality series. 

It sorta random tweet from Michael Jacksons daughter Paris, indicating that her Grandmom was missing.  Um, DON’T NOBODY MESS WITH MS KATHERINE!!  It took off like a firecracker and as I sit here today, and at the time of this blog writing.

• Ms. Katherine is Home
• Ms. Katherine said she went on vacation and cut her phone off, she wasn’t kidnapped
• Ms. Katherine lost guardianship (temporarily) of Prince, Paris and Blanket (Prince II)
• TJ, Tito’s son has guardianship
• Prince has tweeted that it’s all S-H-A-D-Y and that his Father always told him about folks

There has been a lot of other stuff going on but this is the most recent. 

 After hearing Katherine speak, I have come away with some thoughts.  This in no way is an attempt to explain this stuff esp. since I’m sitting here in Atlanta and it’s popping off like it is, but hell, being from a big family, I can see into these types of things. I’m going to do this bullet style to make it easier to capture my thoughts.

• Prior to Michael Jackson passing, he raised his children out of the spotlight and that included for the most part his siblings.  It ‘seems’ that his mother, who he adored, had contact and relationship with his children.
• For I know over a decade, the Jackson siblings themselves have been off doing their own thing and though they might gather at the ‘required’ moments as a whole, they were not very intertwined in each other’s lives.  Yet they all had a connection to their mother.  Janet herself said that she hadn’t spoken to her Brother Michael in at least a year!  Jermaine’s book also made it seem like he didn’t talk to him like that either.  They were a family in name only…
• This means the cousins really didn’t know each other and I can almost promise that they didn’t know Michael’s children like that. 
• At the passing of Michael Jackson, as it should have been, everyone pushed through whatever and closed the wagons up to grieve as a cohesive unit.
• It was revealed that Michael Jackson left the custody of his children to his mother, and in the event of her death or inability to care for them, Diana Ross.
• The children were thrust into a WHOLE NEW WORLD. First of all, the world of the Jacksons themselves, and let’s keep it real – they had to make a whole slew of adjustments and that includes but not limited to:  cultural (um Mike didn’t keep but so many negroes on deck), the public, their own family etc. all in the middle of grieving for their father. They themselves came from an alternate universe of masks, neurosis, celebrity and opulence.

Let’s fast forward a bit:

• Time has passed and since the coming together of the family was based on incident and not personal desire, things have gone back to the way they were prior and the dysfunction that has long been in place is back in effect.
• Katherine Jackson is now 82 years old.  Sure she raised children….in the 50’s-70’s.  Even when she moved to California, basically she raised Janet and Randy by Hollywood standards. Being a guardian full time is a whole different ball game, and at her age, this is not as easy as it used to be.
• The Jacksons have, in my opinion, always had way to many people in their business.  Instead of them reaching OUT for a team, it seems that there is always someone reaching IN and placing themselves in some position and since there is no real family cohesiveness, this is a whole lotta people.

So now here we are with this mess:

• The Jacksons are reactionary when it comes to family issues.  Because they are splintered, there is never a concise stream of information – the only real link they have is their Mother (we will leave Joe out of this) and therefore she is the jump off point for when they do feel like it’s time to ‘be a family’.
• Katherine Jacksons home has become a big playground for her Grand Children, they come there because, despite the overall dysfunction, Katherine Jackson has never turned her back on her faith or her Gary Indiana roots and they find a bit of peace there.
• However, in my opinion, they have been running game and ramshod all over her.  She is not and could not be prepared for what kids have available to them, all this new technology etc. and in her innocent ways, I’m sure she was thinking that this transition was going to be a lot easier.
• I don’t’ think NOT ONE OF THEM, really understood the world of Michael Jackson and the impact his death would have on the flipping world.  I mean you know, he was their brother blah blah blah and I’m sure there was some side eye and hate over the years – impossible that it wouldn’t be, but when he passed and the world stopped spinning and then to find out he excluded his siblings – that put a lot of pressure on their Mother.  I’m feel he did that because of the bullshit – by giving her money, he knew she would adjust her will to include them – eventually they would get it but I be damn if it came from him.
• It must be VERY hard to believe that he left them out, the thought that the concept of ‘family’, despite all that probably went down over the year, would trump all in the end, is a HARD PILL TO SWALLOW, which is why they keep looking like deer in headlights and trying to file papers – “He couldn’t have left us out…we…family”
• So while on some level this is about money – this is also about 9 people who grew up and decided for whatever reason that the bond of youth was flawed and they all went off to…..figure it all out.
• Yet somebody got wind that Katherine was tired and the rigors of the kids was wearing her out and OVERREACTED, because NOBODY MESSES WITH KATHERINE including the Grandkids and this spiraled into texts and half ass information that somehow ended up pitting Katherine’s children against her Grandchildren.  “OH ya’ll not gonna run my damn momma crazy – yo daddy has already pissed us the hell off, now this” (I say this because her house is FULL of grandkids Hell Jermaine needs to come GET HIS, but for some reason this is about Michael’s kids. So headed up by the most emotional of the bunch, they whisked Katherine away to get her some rest. 
• Meanwhile and in between time, nobody expected Paris to pop off. See, that would run me crazy! And so they tried to go and get the kids, probably to put they foot in their ass.  “Um this ain’t Neverland, we from Indiana and you’s nigra and THIS RIGHT HERE AIN’T GONNA HAPPEN. YA’LL NEED YAH ASS WHOOPED” and that went terribly wrong!!  So here we are where we are.

In the children’s defense, if I woke up one day and figured out that my daddy was Michael Jackson and then put two and two together as I also saw the world STOP. I WOULD BE CUTTING A PLUM DAMN FOOL! You hear me!  I’d be just smacking bitches and walking through stores turning over shit and feeling myself – at least for a little while – so they need that time to get that off.

Here’s the thing – until the Jacksons fix the foundation, and until the siblings figure out how to get back to some sort of cohesive bond, one they make up, one they have seen or one they might remember – this is NOT going to be an easy road.  There is nothing they can all go back to that makes the playing field even. Therefore, they naturally split into sub-cultures of their family.  Coming together only when it is absolutely necessary and that usually involves…death.  We won’t even see the entire Jackson clan together until Ms. Katherine passes and then there’s going to be all this falling out, emoting and acting a damn fool, why? Because at least they could stand up under her umbrella and pretend, when it’s closed…there’s nothing but the harsh sunlight and there’s no amount of sunblock that will protect them from that burn.  Believe me, I know.